Just Go Away - Day 5 Chemo cycle #3

Did I mention that I totally hate chemo? Talk about shitty timing but I had 'it' Friday and then stood in a wedding on Saturday. WAIT...it gets better. I started my period on Friday too. Ya, I know, how blessed am I.

As it turns out I felt pretty good on Friday and Saturday. It was awesome to stand with a best friend, even though I was fat and bald, and she was looking gorgeous, and not feel ill. I survived until 9ish and then the chills and fatigue kicked in. I went to bed and although it is now Tuesday I am still here.

Many people want to know what the symptoms of post chemo are like. Even as I lay here and experience them it is very difficult to describe them - even to myself. I'm going to try though.

1. Tired...as in took too much Gravol and although it was two days ago it is still in your system. You think you are okay but soon as you attempt to do something you realize you aren't.

2. Nausea...not enough to make you puke. Maybe you're just hungry so you eat but you still feel the same. So you repeat the pattern because you don't know what else to do to try and feel better.

3. Strange sensations...I get a feeling like a gas is traveling up from my stomach and wrapping around my lungs. I feel a bit wheezy and winded. I also feel a tightness in my chest. This is my worst symptom and the one that keeps me grounded. Although it is mild, when added to the other mild symptoms the combination is too much.

4. Digestion...I won't get into the fact that pooping is something that gets fantasized about the following week but will mention what happens with the food I eat. I personally eat a lot after (before, during) chemo. However, although I do my part, the food doesn't. It just sits in my stomach for a long time. Eventually after a period of rotting a sound not unlike a garbarator is heard and the food is carried to the intestines where it remains for a long time. The cycle repeats itself over and over unless you take the demonized shit pills. At present, even if I had the energy to go out I wouldn't because the ruckus from my gut would turn heads!

5. Psychological factors. Now I know most of this is in my head but I think I smell after chemo. I can't get clean enough and I think I smell like poison and piss. Combine that with my appearance I get a bit down. I feel like Jabba the Hut and there is nothing that can take that image away except time. Combine all that with guilt and panic about laying around not getting stuff done and it is quite the shit-kicking.

So, only one treatment left and I never need to do this again. BTW, my HER2 test came back negative. Thank God for that. This was the Christmas present I was waiting for since September!

Well, that's my bit for today. I'm obviously bored of this frigging disease and just want all this to go away. I want to get out of bed and go for a hike with the dogs but can't. Anyway, tomorrow will be a better day I'm sure.

Happy Christmas everyone
Jeannie

My new hair

As it turns out my special little guy, Landen, age 5 was pretty upset about my hair loss.  Although warned what was going to happen he started to cry when his mother showed him a picture of me with my buzzed head.  I can't tolerate the wig so I knew I had to deal with this situation.  So I put on the wig and a cap and took a trip to the Dollarama for $20 worth the sticky bling, feathers and markers. 
Off to North Sydney for a new hair do.  When Landen came home from school he gave me a look of confusion...I could almost read his mind.  Why does she have so much hair now?  Why does it look like THAT?  He gave me a hug but it was filled with apprehension.  After he had a good look I left for an hour.

When I returned I told him I still had no hair.  He was confused but I asked him to remove my cap for me.  He did.  Then I asked him to remove the wig.  He didn't really understand but eventually understood to pull it off for me.  Lily (2 years) was floored - literally- plopping to the ground with her mouth wide open.  Quickly I told Landen my hair was growing back and to touch my scalp which did have a tiny bit of stubble.  I explained that we needed to decorate it and showed him all the craft stuff. 

I sat in the middle of the floor and it didn't take very long for the fun to begin.  As you can see by the photos they did not restrict themselves from decorating my entire head, chin to spine. 

I would like to thank my own girl child Hannah for helping me remove the ink with makeup remover.  I know the bruises will heal eventually  :o) 

I have a feeling that Landen may be a bit disappointed when my real hair does grow.  There will be nothing sticky going near my head when that happens.

Cheers
Jeannie

4:18, deep focus and my clothes are still hanging up - WTF

In addition to doing absolutely nothing I have been focusing really hard on my closet willing my clothes to come to me. It doesn't work.  I never should have watched Matilda the other day. So here's a little update.  Friday I had chemo and started feeling icky that same day.  Saturday wasn't great but I managed to go out for an hour.  I don't remember Sunday but I'm pretty sure I shit my pants on that day.  Monday and Tuesday I spent with Dennis Greencorn.  He painted and|I watched.  Also, Leah came to visit on Tuesday and gave me a birthday gift.  That was great.  Today sucked and I pooped about 40 times.  My ass feels like I was using sandpaper for tissue.  Oh, and during this time of hair loss I found a boob hair that was at least 1/2" long...it was buried and decided to come out for the festivities.  I admit to being a hairy beast (when not being poisoned from the inside out) but I don't get boob hair. Perhaps there is a maximum amount of hairs that can grow from one body and I used them up by the time God thought of giving me some for the twins. This leads me to think that all the hard work and money I spent on electrolysis having that chin nest removed better not come back when all this is over.  How unfair would that be!

Okay, I better get dressed.  I've been trying for about 7 hours and I'm not getting any where. 

Cheers\
Jeannie

Icky Days are Here Again

Today is day #3 of chemo cycle #2. I feel off and on, ill and well, completely exhausted. Keeping my body at a comfortable temperature is complicated. My head gets cold if I don't wear a cap. My bed sweats, although not related to my treatments, do me no favours during sleep time. I am taking more medication this time to keep the nausea away. I don't know if it is working or not. When I eat I feel good...for a little while...then the nausea starts again. I really don't like this at all. I think we should be sedated for the first three days instead of going through these highs and lows. 

I have lost the majority of my hair on my head. My scalp is very dry. When I feel less pukey I am going to exfoliate the shit out of it. The hair on my legs and underarms finally stopped growing. Thankfully I still have my brows and lashes. Hurray for the little things. 

Dr. K. was away this week so I didn't get the results of the HER 2 test back yet. I only have one test between now and session #3. Just one blood test the day before chemo. This was lovely news. 

Ok. Well that is my update for now. Nothing exciting but this is my reminder as well because I am very forgetful. I will forget that I felt crappy and think the weekend went by with unicorns jumping through rainbows all the while feeding me marshmallow snowballs and homemade toffee.

Anyway...gotta go...well, stop typing because I am tired.

Cheers

Jeannie

Who said bald people can't have a bad hair day

OMG what a crazy hair day. Obviously I wasn't having stylin' issues. It was much, much worse. It all started out okay. I went to the mall so I put on a hat. I hate wearing hats but it is a necessary evil. Anyway, while walking through the mall my scalp started to itch. I poked a finger up attempting a gracious scratch. Then a second finger, a hand and then all grace aside I pull it off and double paw at my head with the same intensity that the dogs use to dig holes in the yard. As I scratch my head the stubble falls out...in my eyes, under my nails and in my sticky lipgloss. When I get to the car and touch my head It feels like it is being eaten alive by fire ants. Every piece of stubble had a direct connection to every pain nerve in my body. I pulled in to Wal-Mart and picked up Duct tape and wax strips. I went to my mom's and pulled every electric piece of stubble out of my head. I tried the Duct tape first and yes it worked...not enough to get me on the Red Green Show so I pulled out the big guns. I had two spots on my head that I knew would require a bit more tug. I applied the wax strip to my head and gently pulled and voila, the entire strip was covered. No pain...remember these hairs are only hanging on like a second graders baby tooth. I successfully pulled out 95% of the hair without any problem at all. Those 95% were the painful hairs, the horrible wasp stingers that threatened to sting forever. The remaining 5% were clinging for dear life. Mostly it was the hair along my hair line that ran from ear to ear that was content to stay attached. Those hairs required a LOT of wax strips. It now hurts to lie down now or wear anything on my head. It hurts. Not like having a shards of glass stuck in my scalp. It is more like I-just-ripped-my-hair-out-by-the-roots-and-took-some-skin-with-it hurts. So I am now completely bald like Mr. Clean. No more patchy, itchy, painful stubble. The big question I have to ask now is 'How do I tan my scalp during the winter?'

Cheers

Jeannie

From Drab to Fab

At the risk of over blogging I have to make a quick update. First, I must mention that my next surgery will be around the end of January/early February. I am actually looking forward to it. I relish the thought of having a coma induced nap and also the opportunity to pick out sutures again. Yes I know that I am a sick puppy.

The same day I saw Dr. M. my hair fell out. I was positive it wasn't going to happen on day 14 but it did...weird! One minute I had hair and quite literally the next minute it fell out in clumps and handfuls. My, umm, lady hair started falling out much earlier. Under my arms and my legs is thinner and weak but still friggen growing. I still have my eyebrows and lashes.

Also, one of my besties, Anita Morrison, took 1.4 million pictures of me the other day so I want to give her a shout out...thank you girl friend - love you!

Today was a super duper day. I went to the Look Good Clinic at the hospital. We played with makeup, talked amongst ourselves, drank tea and smoked crack. I left with a ton of makeup...good makeup...not clown crap. I had the horrors visualizing what I might look like when they finished with me. I wore a low brimmed hat and sunglasses to the class. I brought a large scarf so I could wrap my face just in case. Surprise, surprise...I looked great. I learned to use the gunk I didn't know how to use like foundation. Hurrah...what a difference this program must make to people with self confidence issues relating to the cosmetic side effects of chemo.

Anyway, gotta run. Have dinner with my mates in a bit. Once again, thank you for all the beautiful messages. Cross your fingers my white cells went back up because I have chemo Friday.  I will update Saturday. Take care of yourselves and each other !

Cheers
Jeannie

PS. I love being bald...I've looked better but don't care because it feels awesome!

How to take a chemo dump - not for the faint of heart

One of the beautiful things about cancer is that it is never boring.  What else could take a normal daily function such as moving your bowels and allow me to lay in bed and type out a manual on how to do it after chemotherapy.  I know, disgusting eh!?  All I can say is this:  when you are massaging your colon (via your abdomen not internally - gross!) and it feels like you are massaging a python you know you need to go.  As someone who never, and I mean never, experienced constipation I had to fix this dirty little situation fast.  You will know you need to go when you start waddling around like you have a stick jammed up your ass and you can't tie your own shoes because you can't bend that you need to take care of the situation.  I started by ensuring I couldn't possibly get any more food in my body.  Okay, well, that was a fluke but you don't want to do this on a quarter of a tank.  The day before I committed to the 'cleanse' I bought a kilo of prunes.  I love prunes so this was not a problem for me.  Then I ate ten of them right away.  I continued to eat throughout the day every now and then popping a prune in my mouth.  In between eating I drank lots and lots of water.  By bedtime I was adequately stuffed and took two Senekot tablets followed by more water.  I was starting to get excited but managed to go to sleep.  When I woke up the next morning with the excitement of a child about to pounce on a Christmas tree full of gifts I realized I was showing no sign of relief.  Actually, physically, I felt like I was a big bloated mess with a bit of an upset tummy.  I went downstairs and ate breakfast.  I had two crumpets with cheese, 4 oz of prune juice and 4 oz of orange juice.  I came back to bed since it was very early and went back to sleep.  When I woke up I ate a bowl of chopped fruit and more water.  At this point I am going to call my mother and beg her to say Novenas.  I'm worried my colon will rupture. I quickly do mathematics and panic. Input vs. output (deposit vs. withdrawl, credit vs. debit) is severely out of balance.  It ain't good. I actually thought I would shit myself from fear.  No such luck though. However,  within the hour I was in the bathroom with Big John's Toilet Reader (600+ pages).  F&*k Christmas, babies, puppies, beaches and everything else beautiful in the world.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, came close to the way I felt that day.  If leaving that toilet meant I could have the riches of the world handed to me on a silver platter I would have laughed and shut the door in their faces.  I swear to God, I am quite sure I passed food I hadn't eaten since Brownie Camp in 1977.  My mother was right that bubblegum does not digest but hangs around your intestines for years only to come out in a colon cleanse. There were moments when I started to consider the capacity of the toilet, the plumbing in the house, the city.  But all I could do is sit there and read. The most beautiful part was that there was no cramping. I'll admit I was pretty limited to what I could do all morning but by early afternoon I was able to stand up straight and eat again.  Cancer is shitty enough but it really is the little things like this that make it more miserable than it already is.  My best advise is to avoid cancer.  Have a mammogram or prostate exam.  They're fun - well more more fun than being constipated :o)

Cheers
Jeannie

Day 7 of cycle 1

So after reading my last post I can officially confess that I am a total idiot. Doing the dance of joy was very premature. I did feel fine Friday but by Saturday I was having fantasies about the remainder of my cycles being canceled. I swore to God and anyone/everything else that I was NEVER doing that again. By day 5 I physically felt better but emotionally started to lose it. By day 6 I was crying at the doctor's office and complaining about the injustices that have been bestowed on me. Today, day 7 I finally moved from severe constipation to severe diarrhea - Thank God! Being full of shit makes you feel shitty from head to toe, inside and out.

My scalp is starting to itch so to lessen the sensation I had my hair cut really short. My eyelashes and eye brows were delivered yesterday. I couldn't really examine them because I get mild panic attacks every time I see anything relating to cancer...my books, wigs, meds, bald babies in pink hats, prunes, etc., etc.

So how was that for a positive and inspiring post?? Sorry, cancer sucks and I don't want it. I want a trip to a hot beach instead.

Chemo #1 I feel good du du du du du du I knew that I would du du du du du du

Well that wasn't too bad at all. I sat in a recliner with a warm blanket over me...like hot from the dryer warm. So awesome. First they soak your hand in warm water to excite the veins. Then you get an IV and she did an awesome job with that. Then you get two anti-nausea drugs in the IV...then they flush the tubing. The first of the drugs is administered over a ten minute period. The nurse sits with you in case the fluid leaks out or any other problems arise. This drug can cause tissue damage so they have to be careful with it. Then they flush the tubing again. The final drug takes about 30 minutes to administer. They gave me buckets of hats to dig through and choose what I wanted. I chose a hat, a rag and a turban-like-thing to wear to bed. I have a week or so before I will need those things. Anyway, I'm actually getting sleepy so that's all for today. BTW, my pee was red from the drug and my throat is starting to feel tight...no nausea yet...fingers crossed it will remain that way.

Cheers
Jeannie

I am Superwoman!

MUGA Scan...ever hear of it? Me either. It is a test where radioactive material is injected into the blood stream and they record the actions of the heart. It's pretty simple. After the first injection you wait about 15 minutes and then receive the radioactive agent. You lay on a table and then the actions of the heart are monitored. Naturally I wanted to watch but had to lay still. However, when it was over she let me watch the videos. It was AWESOME. I have an honest-to-God human heart. It is made of flesh and blood not ice and stone. It appears to be perfectly healthy. If it isn't I am sure I will hear about it very soon. One of the chemo drugs can cause heart failure/damage therefore they need to make sure it is healthy before they damage it. So for the remainder of the day I am ever so slightly radioactive...just enough to allow me to be 'Super Woman' for Halloween.  Happy Halloween!

Cheers
Jeannie

What God Hath Promised

WHAT GOD HATH PROMISED

God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

God hath not promised we shall not know
Toil and temptation, trouble and woe;
He hath not told us we shall not bear
Many a burden, many a care.

God hath not promised smooth roads and wide,
Swift, easy travel, needing no guide;
Never a mountain rocky and steep,
Never a river turbid and deep.

Bald is Beautiful????

They say that bald is beautiful. We will see about that. I'm not sure how beautiful I am going to feel with no hair and puke down the front of my t- shirt. Since the surgeon who will be sawing me open again is away I have to have chemotherapy immediately. After I pulled a face and dropped the lip Dr. K. finally agreed to let me go to Toronto this week instead of starting treatment. I will buy him something nice when I am away...cheap but nice.

Tuesday, November 1st is my chemo information session

Friday, November 4th is my first chemo treatment

While Dr. M. is away Dr. K. will pump the magic elixir into me every three weeks.  When Dr. M. returns he will either do the surgery between chemo appointments or wait until they are finished. I am torn about which would be better: being kicked while you are down or being kicked when you finally drag yourself back up to a standing position. Neither sounds appealing to me but it's going to happen whether I like it or not.

On a positive note I will not have to wash or colour my hair, shave my legs, tweeze my eye brows or pull any stray eye brows from my chin for four months :o)

Also, the violent barfing and shitting means what?  You said it - natural weight loss.

And finally, Leah promised to make me vodka popsicles to help my sore mouth.

So it's all good...life is good too but short so make the best of it.  Finally, book your mammograms!

Hugs to you all...Cheers
Jeannie

No news does not mean good news

Today I met with Dr. MacMullin. I missed my original appointment because I thought it was tomorrow. Oops...oh well, I still got in. Thank you Dr. MacMullin!

Well, he had a new piece of information for me today. The margins were extremely close to the intraductal cancer so he wants to reopen my incision and cut out an additional centimeter all around the perimeter. Then that tissue goes through the same testing to see if there are cancer cells in it. The positive side of this news is that it was not the infiltrating cancer that was perched on the margin.

My option is this: chemo, radiation and an additional radiation boost to nuke the f#@k out of that area of the breast. Follow all that up with Tomixifan. I have three weeks to make my decision about this. If I don't develop an ulcer from all these decisions I never will!

Cheers
Jeannie

PS. Yes I am cranky today...

Well...that was a little more than I asked for

Yesterday, October 17, 2011 I had my first appointment at the Cape Breton Cancer Center.  Deborah's mother Anita came with me.  I met with a very nice receptionist first then spent a bit of time with an oncology nurse named Beth.  We went over my entire life...again....and I gave her every piece of information that I gave to my surgeon and the pre-admission clinic...again.  Everything was going very well.  I was actually a bit nervous.  I felt like I had too much caffeine in my system.  All I knew at this time was the doctors name.  Dr. Kian Khodadad is his name.  Guess what we did when he came in?  You'll  never guess so I will tell you.  We went over my life history...again.  Then he examined and me, and God bless him, he warmed his hands first.  Anyhow, I will cut to the chase.  I have decisions to make. Here are the options:

• Chemotherapy:  administered every three weeks over a 15 week period
• Radiation:  administered five days a week over a 4 - 5 week period
• Hormone Therapy:  one pill a day for five years
• Combination Therapy:  all three

Here is a stat breakdown

• Women who choose no therapy: 25 will relapse and 75 will be alive and cancer free in 10 years
• Out of the 25 that can relapse here is the advantage of treatment
• Hormone Therapy alone  16-18 women will relapse; 7-9 alive and cancer free in 10 years
• Chemotherapy alone  17-19 relapse; 6-8 alive and cancer free in 10 years
• Combined therapy  10-14 women will relapse; 11-15 alive and cancer free in 10 years

Now, we need to remember that these stats are based on the 25% of woman that relapse, of which I may not even fall into.  However, due to my age and my family history he suggests that I remain aware that this number exists.  I am unsure if radiation is a factor in those stats.  I will ask him Friday. 

Also, my HER2 test came back inconclusive.  It was sent to Halifax for retesting.  If that comes back positive it will require additional therapy.  Apparently two years worth administered once a week via the vein at the hospital.  Pray that comes back negative for f*#k sake.  I hate needles.

So, I have until Friday to decide on my fate.  He wouldn't wait until I come back from Toronto at the end of the month.  They are always in a hurry.  Apparently there are other people who need to use the cancer center too - pffft....whatever.   

Anyhow, I may need a wig and a shitload of Imodium and diapers so gather them up if you see any floating around. As a germaphobe I am also looking for a large hampster ball so I can avoid touching or breathing others germs but still continue to mingle.  Just throwing that out for all you folks who want to do nice things for me but don't know what to do.  So with that, I'm getting back to work before I'm fired :o)  LOL - good luck with that Chris.

Cheers everyone
Jeannie

SAVE THE HOOTERS!

The Smallest Cup I ever Wore :o)

Under that cup is a wire that was shoved into the tumor.  It gave the surgeon directions where to cut.  I had to stay still for hours with that on.  Well, I was supposed to but didn't and it didn't make any difference.

Just another day in Paradise

Good morning everyone! Today I am not leaving the house. I was very sore last night and actually had to take Tylenol. I did too much yesterday (again) and felt very bad by 8ish. I was quite pathetic and weepy and that is not my nature. Crying isn't my thing.

I did reward myself with new sheets yesterday. 650 thread count...all washed and smelling like a combination of new born babies, heaven and puppy breath. I can't wait to make my bed and sleep in it tonight! Did I already mention that I bought a gorgeous white cotton quilt. Yay!

By the way, I understand that the photos of my breast are very alluring and practically pornographic but please view them respectfully. I am sure all you filthy minded viewers could find a photo of a naked breast on the Internet if you look very hard. You may even find one where you can see a nipple, or a pair of breasts.  Better yet, you may find some that are not 40 years old, spent 2.5 years feeding a child, bruised and scarred. If you need help just let me know...(yup sarcasm intended).

If you didn't book your mammogram yet....please do so! It's bad enough we have to write and read my shitty blog about cancer. Let's be proactive and prevent cancer...hence, bad blogging .

Hugs and kisses to you all. Thank you again for all the constant prayers, warm thoughtful messages and love I receive from you every day. I don't respond to everyone but read and listen to everything. I love you all.

Cheers
Jeannie

THE RESULTS ARE BACK!

I have to do stuff but awesome news...the margins that were removed around the tumor were free of cancer cells and so was the sentinel node.  Gotta go but a celebration is in order!  Wooooo......Hoooooo!

Up yours cancer!

I feel ouchies today - One week later

My breast hurts today. Perhaps I have been over exerting myself or it's completely normal. I had sore ribs and knees last night. I am tired and have a sneaky suspicion that I may get a cold. I am gobbling up zinc lozenges in the hopes of keeping it at bay. Cancer doesn't scare me but colds do. I get the complete horrors of getting a cold or God forbid, the flu. My scar looks a lot better though. I started using pure vitamin E very liberally on it several times a day. Deborah gave be Bio Oil to use as well. I will be curious to see how well it fades out as I tend to scar very easily. Anyway, here's another boob shot. I think it is healing well.

Day 5 - post-op pictures

Hurrah today I can remove my steri-strips! Umm, yes I did remove them last night. They made me so itchy.    As you can see I made it through the night and my insides stayed put. I don't know if the bruising is from surgery or from 'over doing it'. Anyway, it feels great and I am sure in another week it will be back to normal. So here is the fun part - my scars! You know you want to look :o

The top cut just under my armpit is the location where the sentinel node was removed. Remember, this is a relatively new procedure used to avoid randomly removing lymph nodes that may or may not be affected by cancer.  The sentinel node is the initial node that will be fed by the cancer cells. If that isn't affected, then the nodes beyond that will be clean also.

Similar shot to below..the longer scar is from the partial mastectomy.

Shooting my own breast while hiding my nipple is hard

Day Four - Post Op

I am completely bored out of my mind. Although I feel completely fine, pain-free and full of energy I am not supposed to do anything. I tried retail therapy yesterday to wear myself out but it only allowed for a one hour nap. I am completely caught up with Coronation Street. The house is organized.

So, here's the deal. I will do light work for you if you want to do heavy work for me. For instance, I can do your laundry, dishes, organize your closets if you can chop and pile my campfire wood or walk my dogs. Deal?

BTW, tomorrow is soak the bandage off day. I am so bloody excited. Since I have nothing interesting to share here is an updated picture of the boob.

Day 2 Post-Op

I have read so many nice posts, messages,  texts and comments about my positive attitude and determination to beat cancer.  I do have to say that not once since my diagnosis did I waiver in my thinking that perhaps I may not be okay.  Don't get me wrong.  I never said everything would work out perfectly, just that I would be okay.  Of course, my version of okay and someone else's version may differ. 

I absolutely cannot believe how well I feel today.  I don't hurt at all.  Not one little bit.  I am full of energy, enough to get me in trouble, and completely pain free.  I haven't felt this well in a long, long time.  I wonder if my body was telling me something for the last two years.  Now that the tumor is out I suddenly feel awesome.  Maybe it's just all in my mind but that's okay too.

By the way, most of you know I don't cry very often.  I haven't cried for a single moment about this little bump in my life.  However, I had a little jag in the surgery on Wednesday.  I cried over a needle.  Yup, a needle.  After all the needles and tests, one needle in my hand sent me over the edge.  There was some yelling and cursing and then a big cry.  OMG - it hurt so bad.  I tried to get off the table and told them I was going home.  LOL.  I was a little embarrassed when I saw Dr. MacMullin yesterday.  I apologized but he said there was no need and that everyone thought I was great. 

Anyway, if you are like me, you probably want to see the incision.  It is currently glued closed and steri-stripped but here is a picture anyway.  In three more days I can soak off the strips and we can all have a good gawk at it.  As for the position of my breasts, they look normal in a bra and a top but without either I am very lopsided and very obvious that I had a large piece of tissue removed. 

So, that's my update for today.  Thanks to everyone for the prayers, best wishes, food, flowers and messages of love.

Cheers
Jeannie

Day two - post op Sept 23, 2011

Freedom...Sweet Freedom!

It's 9:24 am, Thursday, September 22nd and I am HOME.  My surgery went great...I feel great.  I had a room to myself in the maternity ward.  I would forget that I was in hospital and wonder why I could hear so many kittens crying.  Then a baby would wail like it was caught in a meat grinder and I'd remember where I was. 

I think my scar is about 6" long but I can't really tell.  In five days I can soak the strips off and see it.  I'll take a pic so you can all get a look at it.  It is a horizontal scar that runs approximately two inches from my center toward my armpit.

Well I just wanted you all to know I feel terrific but a little tired.  I'm going to have a nap in my own bed.  I need to be well rested to boss Hannah around while I'm training her to help me with the company :)

Cheers

Jeannie

The Day has Come

Well this is it.  I have been awake for 30 minutes and I'm already gasping for water.  I usually drink a liter in the morning.  So I have 1 hour 30 minutes to kill.  Maybe I will take a long bath...let the twins float around for a bit.  They may not be allowed to swim for a few days after the surgery.  I'm really tired and feeling a bit anxious.  I don't know why I'm anxious. It is nothing that can be pinpointed.  Oh well, I'll be as high as two hippies soon enough.  Also, for information purposes, I am very slow to come back from sedation.  I must really enjoy it and it takes many hours to wake me sometimes.  If you hear nothing for a long time that is why.  Well, I guess I should pack a few things and make sure all my technological gear is fully charged because I see many hours of boredom in the near future.  I need to give the dogs a nice cuddle and create the worlds longest "Honey-to-Do" List for Hannah and Chris before I go.  I don't want them to be bored - lol. Enjoy your day and think of me as I will look after surgery.  Walking around all lopsided :o)

Cheers
Jeannie

PS.  Not to sound like a horrible cow but I don't want visitors okay.  I will need the constant-interuptions-of-the-staff-at-the-hospital-rest-time.  When I get home I will post (someone will post) when I am ready for phone calls and visits.  You are certainly welcome to call the house and talk to Hannah or Chris for an update.  They will be pleased to update you.  However, if they ask if you can come and help remove the chains from their ankles and locks off the doors  - Just say NO.

Pre-surgery Day

Well just about one day until I may be cancer-free!  Today's appointment was a lot different than I expected.  I somehow imagined that I would be able to see giant vats of blue dye, radiation hazard signs, people walking around in white protective gear breathing through gas masks.  Nope.  Nothing like that at all.

I climbed on a table and exposed the yucky boob minus my nipple as I didn't think he needed to see that.  The doctor walked in wearing a regular shirt.  He introduced himself, shook my hand and then jabbed four needles in my breast - one in my nip.  Guess hiding it didn't help.  He knew just where to find it.

It was painless though!  Hurrah

Unfortunately, the mammogram machine broke down so I had the pleasure of seeing my tumor on the ultrasound machine.  The dirty little bastard. Just hanging around having a time in my mammary!  I wanted to ask for a picture but forgot.  I would have let you all see the little shit before he is chopped out tomorrow. 

So, here's tomorrows schedule:

8:00 - Go to admitting dept.

8ish - Go to day surgery dept.

9ish:  Take the ride of shame (healthy woman taken by stretcher through hospital) to Ultrasound

9ish - Ultrasound for needle localization

Between 10ish and 12ish:  Reverse ride of shame back to surgery.  This time with inverted styrofoam cup over metal sticking out of breast. Must remember to wear a Burka tomorrow.

12:30 - surgery; where both the quadrant of breast tissue and the sentinel node will be removed. My personal body parts will be sent away for testing...results in two weeks.

I have an overnighter and go home FIRST THING IN THE MORNING...

Hear me MacMullin...First thing :)

So that's everything for today.  I'm going to do some more work and then go out this evening per my Tuesday evening ritual.  Enjoy your evening everyone!

Cheers...and lots of hugs too
Jeannie





PRE-ADMISSION DAY

Well I have to say that in spite of all the negativity you hear about waiting time at the hospital, I had no waiting at all.  I showed up during 'coffee break' but was lucky enough to meet with the 'pharmacy lady' and have a good gab about all my personal health stats.  When we finished, thinking very proactively, she plopped me down in another waiting room and registered me for my EKG. That took about 10 minutes. I went back to the pre-admin area, had another nice long chat with a nurse about my surgery and after care.  We discussed just about everything I would need to know before and after the procedures.

For those of you who may have to have an operation here is a sampling of my questions:

Q.  How long is the surgery? 
A.  About one hour from anesthesia time to clean up.

Q.  Will I be breathing on my own or will a machine breath for me during the surgery?
A.  A machine will do the breathing.  You will be paralyzed.

Q.  If I have no muscle control, will I poop on the table?
A.  Umm, no, but good question.

Q.  I will be on my period during the surgery.  Tampon or pad?
A.  Pad.

Q.  Can I see the tumor?
A.  Wellllllll, umm, I believe it has to be shipped immediately to the Path lab in Halifax.  You better ask your surgeon.

Don't be afraid to ask questions.  They hear it all. 

So, after that we discuss the procedure I will be having on Monday...never a dull day with cancer.  Anyway, it is called a Sentinel Node Biopsy. 

Q.  Will it hurt?
A.  Yes.

I don't want to give you all boredom cancer by describing the procedure so here is a link if you want to read about it.  I'll be pissing blue urine for a day or so. I will have a blue boob as well...I'm considering doing a fund raiser by letting people touch my blue radioactive breast for money.  Hannah, my daughter, didn't think her father would approve.  I told her I wouldn't charge him full rate. 

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/detection/sentinel-node-biopsy

After that I had a chest x-ray and blood tests.  The blood test really hurt but I totally took advantage and set the chair up as a recliner.  She commented that most people don't choose that area to relax.  I said 'shhhh'...I need a few seconds to relax. I was in the hospital less than three hours but I was completely exhausted.  I think I was oxygen deprived from holding my breath most of the time.  I was terrified of picking up germs at the hospital.  Today's fear was SARS...I washed my hands about 12 times while I was there and used so much alcohol rub that I believe I transdermally intoxicated myself.

Well, that's all I will tell you today.  I'll describe Tuesday's magic show in more detail and give you a picture of the node surgery when I get a chance on Monday.  I'm going to have a snuggle with the pups for a bit and then hit the sack. 

If you haven't booked your screening or follow up mammograms, do it now.  The pretty pink comfort pillow they give you isn't worth the inconvenience of giving up a year of your life..

Happy Friday evening
Cheers
Jeannie

Da, da, da, da.......The Results

Good afternoon everyone
To begin let me thank Evan Perry for typing out the words to Little Jeannie yesterday, especially since Elton didn't sing it last night.  Also, hurry up with my fudge.  Vanilla Praline please.

Also, Lee Tibbo, you know I don't wash my hands on Wednesdays so the answer is no, I didn't wash them.  I think you should be as dirty as possible when you go to the hospital to keep from attracting new bugs. I absolutely love the idea of attaching a shit collector to Kimora. I will certainly be looking for one of those.

On a more serious note I just returned from Dr. MacMullin's office.  He rejected my request to bump my surgery date to January.  He also rejected my request to have a breast reduction performed at the same time. So, I guess keeping me alive is pretty important to him.  So much so he will be operating on me September 21, 2011....Yup, one week from now.  I felt like he punched me in the stomach.  He said the 21st and I thought he meant November or possibly October.  Anyway, no big deal.  I have a bunch of testing this week and then the surgery. Then a two week break while we wait for the pathology reports to come back.  Only then will a decision be made to how much treatment will be required. Cross your fingers its only the month worth of radiation. Oh, he also mentioned losing 25% of my breast won't make a dent in it. It won't even be noticable.  That's pretty cool. 

So my little pumpkins, don't fret.  I will be practically cancer free in one week.  Hurrah!

Let's plan a night out soon. 

Cheers
Jeannie

PS.  Don't forget to book your mammograms :o)

Holy Sh*t!

Good morning everyone and welcome to "I'm going to see Elton John in concert" Tuesday :o)

Just a few things to mention today.  First, I would like to give you the contact information for the Nova Scotia Breast Screening Program.

www.breastscreening.ns.ca

1-800-565-0548

1-902-473-3960

Book your appointment today!

As most of you know, I have three dogs...three dogs who think they are people.  Kimora, my youngest and least intelligent pup, has a problem with her bottom.  She had her anal glands removed and now just drops bits of poop randomly.  Or worse, doesn't quite finish the job and leaves it hanging.  So after using my linen comforter as toilet tissue three times we decided she could do the poop-scoot-boogie on a cheap rug downstairs from now on.  I was also a bit worried that after my surgery, she would walk on me when I was sleeping because, to be honest, she walks on me when I'm sleeping. So, we declared the upstairs a fur-free zone. We installed a baby gate at the top of the stairs.  No dogs allowed on the second floor.  Instantly, my housework is cut in half.  We can all sleep comfortably instead of like the letter X or worse, the letter Z.  The best was getting up this morning and not having dog fur in my retainer.  Ahh, I can envision Egyption cotton sheets and a crisp white throw on my bed already...   (FYI.Queen size...wink)

So, last night went pretty good.  Scruffy cried half the night (which I ignored) and Kimora whimpered a lot (which I ignored).  In hindsight I probably should have paid attention to Kimora's whimpering.  I'm not sure of the square footage of my house so to give an accurate ratio of shit to surface area won't be accurate.  However, I can honestly say that she did a pretty damn good job of producing enough to cover most of the downstairs area.  She was kind enough to spread it around, ensuring all floors and rugs were well covered.  Bless her little heart.  She didn't want me to work too hard in one spot.  She may be wearing one of her diapers tonight!  She's lucky she's really damn cute!

Have a great day...get out and enjoy the sun. 

Cheers

Jeannie

Lil Fix

Good morning everyone
First let me say thank you to everyone who has sent message of hope and inspiration to me over the past few days.  It's lovely to have great people like you in my life....

Second, I fixed the problem with the posting.  Anyone can post now. 

Enjoy this beautiful day!

Cheers
Jeannie

PS.  If you are 40 or over and didn't have a screening mammogram make your appointment today.  

In the beginning...

Take it from me, be careful what you wish for!  For the last year or so I have been wishing away my breasts.  I was constantly muttering, 'God, I wish I could get these reduced', 'God, I wish I was flat chested', 'God, why didn't you spread the family mammaries out evenly between my sister and I' (her:  'A' cup me:  'F' cup)...Anyway, see what I'm saying.

So, I make a visit to Dr. Crosby because I have a sore spot on my left breast.  It turns out that it is the muscle buried under the breast that was sore.  Hurrah...however, I'm 40 so a mammagram it is.  Long story short, after a few phone calls and a core biopsy I was diagnosed with Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma, nuclear grade 2 (right breast).  Basically, it is cancer that started in the milk duct and continued to grow and spread into other breast tissue.  To save everyone the pain of looking up every term I added a short list of the terms I already had exposure to (look down).

So, September 14th I see Dr. MacMullin.  He is the surgeon who will chop out the tumor and the surrounding tissue.  If memory serves me correctly, I believe I will be losing about 25% of the breast. 

So, I will update after my doctor appointment on Wednesday and give all the nasty details.  Wish me luck!