Just Go Away - Day 5 Chemo cycle #3

Did I mention that I totally hate chemo? Talk about shitty timing but I had 'it' Friday and then stood in a wedding on Saturday. WAIT...it gets better. I started my period on Friday too. Ya, I know, how blessed am I.

As it turns out I felt pretty good on Friday and Saturday. It was awesome to stand with a best friend, even though I was fat and bald, and she was looking gorgeous, and not feel ill. I survived until 9ish and then the chills and fatigue kicked in. I went to bed and although it is now Tuesday I am still here.

Many people want to know what the symptoms of post chemo are like. Even as I lay here and experience them it is very difficult to describe them - even to myself. I'm going to try though.

1. Tired...as in took too much Gravol and although it was two days ago it is still in your system. You think you are okay but soon as you attempt to do something you realize you aren't.

2. Nausea...not enough to make you puke. Maybe you're just hungry so you eat but you still feel the same. So you repeat the pattern because you don't know what else to do to try and feel better.

3. Strange sensations...I get a feeling like a gas is traveling up from my stomach and wrapping around my lungs. I feel a bit wheezy and winded. I also feel a tightness in my chest. This is my worst symptom and the one that keeps me grounded. Although it is mild, when added to the other mild symptoms the combination is too much.

4. Digestion...I won't get into the fact that pooping is something that gets fantasized about the following week but will mention what happens with the food I eat. I personally eat a lot after (before, during) chemo. However, although I do my part, the food doesn't. It just sits in my stomach for a long time. Eventually after a period of rotting a sound not unlike a garbarator is heard and the food is carried to the intestines where it remains for a long time. The cycle repeats itself over and over unless you take the demonized shit pills. At present, even if I had the energy to go out I wouldn't because the ruckus from my gut would turn heads!

5. Psychological factors. Now I know most of this is in my head but I think I smell after chemo. I can't get clean enough and I think I smell like poison and piss. Combine that with my appearance I get a bit down. I feel like Jabba the Hut and there is nothing that can take that image away except time. Combine all that with guilt and panic about laying around not getting stuff done and it is quite the shit-kicking.

So, only one treatment left and I never need to do this again. BTW, my HER2 test came back negative. Thank God for that. This was the Christmas present I was waiting for since September!

Well, that's my bit for today. I'm obviously bored of this frigging disease and just want all this to go away. I want to get out of bed and go for a hike with the dogs but can't. Anyway, tomorrow will be a better day I'm sure.

Happy Christmas everyone
Jeannie

My new hair

As it turns out my special little guy, Landen, age 5 was pretty upset about my hair loss.  Although warned what was going to happen he started to cry when his mother showed him a picture of me with my buzzed head.  I can't tolerate the wig so I knew I had to deal with this situation.  So I put on the wig and a cap and took a trip to the Dollarama for $20 worth the sticky bling, feathers and markers. 
Off to North Sydney for a new hair do.  When Landen came home from school he gave me a look of confusion...I could almost read his mind.  Why does she have so much hair now?  Why does it look like THAT?  He gave me a hug but it was filled with apprehension.  After he had a good look I left for an hour.

When I returned I told him I still had no hair.  He was confused but I asked him to remove my cap for me.  He did.  Then I asked him to remove the wig.  He didn't really understand but eventually understood to pull it off for me.  Lily (2 years) was floored - literally- plopping to the ground with her mouth wide open.  Quickly I told Landen my hair was growing back and to touch my scalp which did have a tiny bit of stubble.  I explained that we needed to decorate it and showed him all the craft stuff. 

I sat in the middle of the floor and it didn't take very long for the fun to begin.  As you can see by the photos they did not restrict themselves from decorating my entire head, chin to spine. 

I would like to thank my own girl child Hannah for helping me remove the ink with makeup remover.  I know the bruises will heal eventually  :o) 

I have a feeling that Landen may be a bit disappointed when my real hair does grow.  There will be nothing sticky going near my head when that happens.

Cheers
Jeannie