4:18, deep focus and my clothes are still hanging up - WTF

In addition to doing absolutely nothing I have been focusing really hard on my closet willing my clothes to come to me. It doesn't work.  I never should have watched Matilda the other day. So here's a little update.  Friday I had chemo and started feeling icky that same day.  Saturday wasn't great but I managed to go out for an hour.  I don't remember Sunday but I'm pretty sure I shit my pants on that day.  Monday and Tuesday I spent with Dennis Greencorn.  He painted and|I watched.  Also, Leah came to visit on Tuesday and gave me a birthday gift.  That was great.  Today sucked and I pooped about 40 times.  My ass feels like I was using sandpaper for tissue.  Oh, and during this time of hair loss I found a boob hair that was at least 1/2" long...it was buried and decided to come out for the festivities.  I admit to being a hairy beast (when not being poisoned from the inside out) but I don't get boob hair. Perhaps there is a maximum amount of hairs that can grow from one body and I used them up by the time God thought of giving me some for the twins. This leads me to think that all the hard work and money I spent on electrolysis having that chin nest removed better not come back when all this is over.  How unfair would that be!

Okay, I better get dressed.  I've been trying for about 7 hours and I'm not getting any where. 

Cheers\
Jeannie

Icky Days are Here Again

Today is day #3 of chemo cycle #2. I feel off and on, ill and well, completely exhausted. Keeping my body at a comfortable temperature is complicated. My head gets cold if I don't wear a cap. My bed sweats, although not related to my treatments, do me no favours during sleep time. I am taking more medication this time to keep the nausea away. I don't know if it is working or not. When I eat I feel good...for a little while...then the nausea starts again. I really don't like this at all. I think we should be sedated for the first three days instead of going through these highs and lows. 

I have lost the majority of my hair on my head. My scalp is very dry. When I feel less pukey I am going to exfoliate the shit out of it. The hair on my legs and underarms finally stopped growing. Thankfully I still have my brows and lashes. Hurray for the little things. 

Dr. K. was away this week so I didn't get the results of the HER 2 test back yet. I only have one test between now and session #3. Just one blood test the day before chemo. This was lovely news. 

Ok. Well that is my update for now. Nothing exciting but this is my reminder as well because I am very forgetful. I will forget that I felt crappy and think the weekend went by with unicorns jumping through rainbows all the while feeding me marshmallow snowballs and homemade toffee.

Anyway...gotta go...well, stop typing because I am tired.

Cheers

Jeannie

Who said bald people can't have a bad hair day

OMG what a crazy hair day. Obviously I wasn't having stylin' issues. It was much, much worse. It all started out okay. I went to the mall so I put on a hat. I hate wearing hats but it is a necessary evil. Anyway, while walking through the mall my scalp started to itch. I poked a finger up attempting a gracious scratch. Then a second finger, a hand and then all grace aside I pull it off and double paw at my head with the same intensity that the dogs use to dig holes in the yard. As I scratch my head the stubble falls out...in my eyes, under my nails and in my sticky lipgloss. When I get to the car and touch my head It feels like it is being eaten alive by fire ants. Every piece of stubble had a direct connection to every pain nerve in my body. I pulled in to Wal-Mart and picked up Duct tape and wax strips. I went to my mom's and pulled every electric piece of stubble out of my head. I tried the Duct tape first and yes it worked...not enough to get me on the Red Green Show so I pulled out the big guns. I had two spots on my head that I knew would require a bit more tug. I applied the wax strip to my head and gently pulled and voila, the entire strip was covered. No pain...remember these hairs are only hanging on like a second graders baby tooth. I successfully pulled out 95% of the hair without any problem at all. Those 95% were the painful hairs, the horrible wasp stingers that threatened to sting forever. The remaining 5% were clinging for dear life. Mostly it was the hair along my hair line that ran from ear to ear that was content to stay attached. Those hairs required a LOT of wax strips. It now hurts to lie down now or wear anything on my head. It hurts. Not like having a shards of glass stuck in my scalp. It is more like I-just-ripped-my-hair-out-by-the-roots-and-took-some-skin-with-it hurts. So I am now completely bald like Mr. Clean. No more patchy, itchy, painful stubble. The big question I have to ask now is 'How do I tan my scalp during the winter?'

Cheers

Jeannie

From Drab to Fab

At the risk of over blogging I have to make a quick update. First, I must mention that my next surgery will be around the end of January/early February. I am actually looking forward to it. I relish the thought of having a coma induced nap and also the opportunity to pick out sutures again. Yes I know that I am a sick puppy.

The same day I saw Dr. M. my hair fell out. I was positive it wasn't going to happen on day 14 but it did...weird! One minute I had hair and quite literally the next minute it fell out in clumps and handfuls. My, umm, lady hair started falling out much earlier. Under my arms and my legs is thinner and weak but still friggen growing. I still have my eyebrows and lashes.

Also, one of my besties, Anita Morrison, took 1.4 million pictures of me the other day so I want to give her a shout out...thank you girl friend - love you!

Today was a super duper day. I went to the Look Good Clinic at the hospital. We played with makeup, talked amongst ourselves, drank tea and smoked crack. I left with a ton of makeup...good makeup...not clown crap. I had the horrors visualizing what I might look like when they finished with me. I wore a low brimmed hat and sunglasses to the class. I brought a large scarf so I could wrap my face just in case. Surprise, surprise...I looked great. I learned to use the gunk I didn't know how to use like foundation. Hurrah...what a difference this program must make to people with self confidence issues relating to the cosmetic side effects of chemo.

Anyway, gotta run. Have dinner with my mates in a bit. Once again, thank you for all the beautiful messages. Cross your fingers my white cells went back up because I have chemo Friday.  I will update Saturday. Take care of yourselves and each other !

Cheers
Jeannie

PS. I love being bald...I've looked better but don't care because it feels awesome!

How to take a chemo dump - not for the faint of heart

One of the beautiful things about cancer is that it is never boring.  What else could take a normal daily function such as moving your bowels and allow me to lay in bed and type out a manual on how to do it after chemotherapy.  I know, disgusting eh!?  All I can say is this:  when you are massaging your colon (via your abdomen not internally - gross!) and it feels like you are massaging a python you know you need to go.  As someone who never, and I mean never, experienced constipation I had to fix this dirty little situation fast.  You will know you need to go when you start waddling around like you have a stick jammed up your ass and you can't tie your own shoes because you can't bend that you need to take care of the situation.  I started by ensuring I couldn't possibly get any more food in my body.  Okay, well, that was a fluke but you don't want to do this on a quarter of a tank.  The day before I committed to the 'cleanse' I bought a kilo of prunes.  I love prunes so this was not a problem for me.  Then I ate ten of them right away.  I continued to eat throughout the day every now and then popping a prune in my mouth.  In between eating I drank lots and lots of water.  By bedtime I was adequately stuffed and took two Senekot tablets followed by more water.  I was starting to get excited but managed to go to sleep.  When I woke up the next morning with the excitement of a child about to pounce on a Christmas tree full of gifts I realized I was showing no sign of relief.  Actually, physically, I felt like I was a big bloated mess with a bit of an upset tummy.  I went downstairs and ate breakfast.  I had two crumpets with cheese, 4 oz of prune juice and 4 oz of orange juice.  I came back to bed since it was very early and went back to sleep.  When I woke up I ate a bowl of chopped fruit and more water.  At this point I am going to call my mother and beg her to say Novenas.  I'm worried my colon will rupture. I quickly do mathematics and panic. Input vs. output (deposit vs. withdrawl, credit vs. debit) is severely out of balance.  It ain't good. I actually thought I would shit myself from fear.  No such luck though. However,  within the hour I was in the bathroom with Big John's Toilet Reader (600+ pages).  F&*k Christmas, babies, puppies, beaches and everything else beautiful in the world.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, came close to the way I felt that day.  If leaving that toilet meant I could have the riches of the world handed to me on a silver platter I would have laughed and shut the door in their faces.  I swear to God, I am quite sure I passed food I hadn't eaten since Brownie Camp in 1977.  My mother was right that bubblegum does not digest but hangs around your intestines for years only to come out in a colon cleanse. There were moments when I started to consider the capacity of the toilet, the plumbing in the house, the city.  But all I could do is sit there and read. The most beautiful part was that there was no cramping. I'll admit I was pretty limited to what I could do all morning but by early afternoon I was able to stand up straight and eat again.  Cancer is shitty enough but it really is the little things like this that make it more miserable than it already is.  My best advise is to avoid cancer.  Have a mammogram or prostate exam.  They're fun - well more more fun than being constipated :o)

Cheers
Jeannie

Day 7 of cycle 1

So after reading my last post I can officially confess that I am a total idiot. Doing the dance of joy was very premature. I did feel fine Friday but by Saturday I was having fantasies about the remainder of my cycles being canceled. I swore to God and anyone/everything else that I was NEVER doing that again. By day 5 I physically felt better but emotionally started to lose it. By day 6 I was crying at the doctor's office and complaining about the injustices that have been bestowed on me. Today, day 7 I finally moved from severe constipation to severe diarrhea - Thank God! Being full of shit makes you feel shitty from head to toe, inside and out.

My scalp is starting to itch so to lessen the sensation I had my hair cut really short. My eyelashes and eye brows were delivered yesterday. I couldn't really examine them because I get mild panic attacks every time I see anything relating to cancer...my books, wigs, meds, bald babies in pink hats, prunes, etc., etc.

So how was that for a positive and inspiring post?? Sorry, cancer sucks and I don't want it. I want a trip to a hot beach instead.

Chemo #1 I feel good du du du du du du I knew that I would du du du du du du

Well that wasn't too bad at all. I sat in a recliner with a warm blanket over me...like hot from the dryer warm. So awesome. First they soak your hand in warm water to excite the veins. Then you get an IV and she did an awesome job with that. Then you get two anti-nausea drugs in the IV...then they flush the tubing. The first of the drugs is administered over a ten minute period. The nurse sits with you in case the fluid leaks out or any other problems arise. This drug can cause tissue damage so they have to be careful with it. Then they flush the tubing again. The final drug takes about 30 minutes to administer. They gave me buckets of hats to dig through and choose what I wanted. I chose a hat, a rag and a turban-like-thing to wear to bed. I have a week or so before I will need those things. Anyway, I'm actually getting sleepy so that's all for today. BTW, my pee was red from the drug and my throat is starting to feel tight...no nausea yet...fingers crossed it will remain that way.

Cheers
Jeannie