It has been a long time but I told you that this was my journey. What have I accomplished, learned or taught in the last year. Wow, just realized I'm a one year and day away from diagnosis. Shit that just hit me like a bag of bricks in the face. Something had me down but I couldn't figure it out. I guess that was it. God no, I have absolutely no reason to ever feel down. Don't get me wrong. I think I just had a body suggestion that this year was something to remember and one with mixed emotions. OMG, I am so sorry. My short term memory is BLEEPING non-existent! Where was I ...
Right. I do not have pubic hair on my head. I think it may be real people hair. Here was my hair growth phase: 1) grow hair...any hair of any kind and display it like you were dressed by Elton John (bit of pride/bit of shame) 2) realize your hair resembles SOS pads (curly wiry soap pads)...cut it short. 3) let it grow a bit and realize you have a lot more pubic-style hair on your head than your body--->shave it...again. 4) Fuck this! I would rather be bald. Shave this shit off my head! 5) by golly... I think my hair is finally straight!
Don't even think of coming on and commenting about how lucky I am to have hair. I know I am lucky. I am also lucky that I am not a troll with short hair.
Book your mammograms. It is almost time to start harassing again....REMEMBER...I would never, and i mean NEVER have had one without a nudge from my doctor...just do it. It earns you a bottle of wine...swear to God!
Cheers
Jeannie
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Mini Update
Last Monday I made an attempt at returning to work full time. It didn't work out as well as I thought. Each day I stayed longer. However, for the last three days I have been able to stay at work for almost 10 hours a day. I even wore a bra two days in a row. It is almost two weeks since I finished radiation. Most of my burns are healed, still rather ugly, but almost pain-free. I stopped using all pills and creams. I will start Tamoxifen soon...maybe Monday. I'm nervous about taking it. It will make many people happy if I take it so I will do it. I had my first haircut today. It is still curly but looks much nicer since Kelly performed her magic. So all in all I am feeling great and very happy to be working outside the house again. Well I am totally exhausted so I will hit the sack.
Remember to book your mammogram! I would also like to take the time to thank everyone who comments and sends me e-mail. I would like to personally write back to everyone but right now I am just a bit too busy to do so. I appreciate every kind word you say.
Cheers
Jeannie
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
It is Finished...kinda...
Friday was my final radiation treatment. I was advised that although it was my last treatment, it by no means meant the treatment was over. According to the book I was given "Life After Cancer", the radiation continues to work even after it is finished. Also, the side effects continue to worsen although I am no longer under the beam. I have been very lucky during my treatments. I suffered very little. That has all changed. I am so 'bleeping' uncomfortable right now. That actually started around treatment #19. By #20 I was 100% sure I wouldn't have been able to tolerate another treatment. My breast feels like it has been run over by a car and my armpit...OH MY GOD...my armpit. It is almost black and the skin is peeling. Underneath it is bright pink and feels like someone poured boiling water on it. Poured BOILING water on it and then took a orbital sander to it and polished it with salt. To top the whole thing off I have excruciating stabbing pains as well. My nipple and aerola were the first to suffer. That entire area also turned very dark brown, almost black. It bunched up as if it was cold and was horribly sensitive. Some dark spots are sloughing off and bits of new pink skin are emerging. I would pay someone any amount of money to sedate me until the pain stops. I have been awake since 2:30, confused about following hospital advice or doing something that works. I chose to do my own thing...caster oil. It doesn't sting like lotions and it is thick enough to stay on the skin more than 10 minutes. It felt heavenly going on the tender skin. Even now, one hour later it still feels a lot better. I have photos but can't upload from my IPad so they will have to wait. So, that's my update for the day. If you are curious about the discomfort just try breast feeding a piranha and when you finish dip your nip in rubbing alcohol. To finish off have a friend jam varying sized needles, ranging in size from sewing to knitting, in your breast. Have them surprise you by heating some of the needles with a blowtorch and drive them into your nipple. The entire time you should be trying to do any task without falling asleep. Good times, good times...
Cheers
Jeannie
Monday, April 23, 2012
Did I mention I have hair
My last regular radiation session was today. I have boosts beginning tomorrow until Friday. The radiated area will be smaller. I hope it's small enough to leave my poor nipple alone. It is so sensitive and dry. Other than random pain, much like period boobs, I also get stabbing pains. It's difficult to describe the pain but if you ever jammed your hand in a car door that might give a glimpse. The stabbing likes to surprise me and pop up when I least expect it. You know what I mean. Like when I'm pouring milk or talking to the bank on the phone. That is rare though. Most of the time it is just a dull ache. Not even worth taking a Tylenol. Other than that I am as tired as I have ever been. I appreciate the e-mails and comments I have been receiving. I will reply, I promise. I have to go to sleep now before I start sleep-writing.
Cheers
Jeannie
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Wanna see the boob?
Just in case I didn't mention this, I would like to buy a new set of boobs. Any Nova Scotians get free/discounted boobs? Don't get me wrong, I am super grateful to have been treated, NO COSTO, I always wanted little fun bags and figure now is as good a time as ever to get 'er done.
Anyway, if anyone would like to see what a 'revised' breast looks like just inbox me and I will try to arrange a viewing. I know I was very curious what mine would look like after the surgery. Then I wanted to see what it would look like after radiation.
My boobs are yours...
Cheers
Jeannie
Anyway, if anyone would like to see what a 'revised' breast looks like just inbox me and I will try to arrange a viewing. I know I was very curious what mine would look like after the surgery. Then I wanted to see what it would look like after radiation.
My boobs are yours...
Cheers
Jeannie
Thursday, April 19, 2012
I see lights ahead!
I remember reading about the side effects of radiation and thinking, 'big deal, that will NOT happen to me.' What an asshole. I am so tired that when I am not sleeping I am fantasize about sleeping. When I'm awake I have that dull headache that we get when we didn't get enough sleep. I even dream about sleeping when I am sleeping.
I love the suggestions in the books that we should take no more than a 20 minute nap or ensure we get exercise to combat the fatigue. I dare anyone to suggest that to my face. I would beat them to death with the book, well, warn them that I would beat them with the book in the summer when I can actually lift it over my head. Anyway, enough about that.
My hair is coming in fast and furious. It is lighter and a bit curly. It's very soft. I will soon need a hair cut. It's nice to have hair again.
My breast is quite sore. The nipple is extremely sensitive and the areola is getting very dark. Charred like a baked potato. The skin around that has taken a dimply, orange peel look. The entire breast, which is obviously much smaller because half was loped off in a surgical suite, is actually getting smaller and firmer. I need to hold it going up and down stairs and even the shower stream hitting it hurts like a mother fuc.., er, I mean, hurts a lot. I have been blessed that I have not had any blistering or burning of the skin. That is worth all the icky stuff that has happened.
My periods returned this month, twice to be exact with little more than a week between them. I see Dr. K. next month and will ask to have my hormone levels checked.
All that aside I have seven more rad treatments left. It's going to be very odd when I no longer have to go to the hospital...odd but exciting. It was a bit more of a journey than I expected but the end is so near I can taste it.
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. Anyone else notice the references to food and eating in that post. LOL
I love the suggestions in the books that we should take no more than a 20 minute nap or ensure we get exercise to combat the fatigue. I dare anyone to suggest that to my face. I would beat them to death with the book, well, warn them that I would beat them with the book in the summer when I can actually lift it over my head. Anyway, enough about that.
My hair is coming in fast and furious. It is lighter and a bit curly. It's very soft. I will soon need a hair cut. It's nice to have hair again.
My breast is quite sore. The nipple is extremely sensitive and the areola is getting very dark. Charred like a baked potato. The skin around that has taken a dimply, orange peel look. The entire breast, which is obviously much smaller because half was loped off in a surgical suite, is actually getting smaller and firmer. I need to hold it going up and down stairs and even the shower stream hitting it hurts like a mother fuc.., er, I mean, hurts a lot. I have been blessed that I have not had any blistering or burning of the skin. That is worth all the icky stuff that has happened.
My periods returned this month, twice to be exact with little more than a week between them. I see Dr. K. next month and will ask to have my hormone levels checked.
All that aside I have seven more rad treatments left. It's going to be very odd when I no longer have to go to the hospital...odd but exciting. It was a bit more of a journey than I expected but the end is so near I can taste it.
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. Anyone else notice the references to food and eating in that post. LOL
Monday, April 16, 2012
My New Weight Loss Blog is now live
Click here to view: "For God's Sake...put your clothes back on!"
For anyone who followed me on my cancer journey, stay tuned and watch me recover my old life. My new Blog is called "For God's Sake, Put your clothes back on".
"Calm Down! It's Just a Little Cancer" will still be active but kept exclusively for posts relating to cancer. So come on over and watch me kick another ass ;o)
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. There are pics to make fun of on the site!
For anyone who followed me on my cancer journey, stay tuned and watch me recover my old life. My new Blog is called "For God's Sake, Put your clothes back on".
"Calm Down! It's Just a Little Cancer" will still be active but kept exclusively for posts relating to cancer. So come on over and watch me kick another ass ;o)
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. There are pics to make fun of on the site!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Looking for Diet-mates
I have a friend who would like to lose weight as well. We will begin Monday. If anyone else is interested in trying The Carb Lovers Diet with us, let me know.
"Sticks in a bundle cannot be broken"
Cheers
Jeannie
"Sticks in a bundle cannot be broken"
Cheers
Jeannie
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
I'm a Total Screwup
Ok, last weeks diet didn't go so well. I was losing about a pound a day but then Easter happened. So, let's call that a practice run. I am back to 160 lbs so I didn't bother taking new photos.
So, I will start again tomorrow. I need to pick up a few things and this time I won't stray. I could spank myself but my god those mashed potatoes, sweet potato, sugared turnip, gravy, chocolate cake, donair, chips....So delicious! Dieting sucks.
I have radiation today. I haven't been there since Thursday. It was a nice break.
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. I want to say a huge thank you to Andrea Brown for hosting all the activities this weekend. You are super!
So, I will start again tomorrow. I need to pick up a few things and this time I won't stray. I could spank myself but my god those mashed potatoes, sweet potato, sugared turnip, gravy, chocolate cake, donair, chips....So delicious! Dieting sucks.
I have radiation today. I haven't been there since Thursday. It was a nice break.
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. I want to say a huge thank you to Andrea Brown for hosting all the activities this weekend. You are super!
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
I have a sore boob
So today I completed my fifth rad treatment (25% or 1/4 completed)...only 15 more to go. I am feeling great. I need to nap every day because I'm sooo tired. My little breast is sore. It feels like period boob. It looks like cottage cheese. I don't recall reading or hearing about cottage cheese boob but I am sure it is normal.
So here is a recap:
~ my hair is growing very fast. I am a chia pet. We cannot identify the colour. It is a mix of blonde, grey, silver, white and brown. It is soft like baby hair. As for the rest of my body, well, all that came back fast and furious as well. No ambiguity about the colour there.
~ still trying to figure out the cup size of my baby boob. It's small but not small enough. I want 'Kate Hudson' breasts. Okay, and maybe her ass and tummy. I'm only 50 lbs away from that goal.
~ the diet is going well. I am losing one pound a day so far. I love the food and get to eat a piece of toast every morning if I wish...and a bananas and cheese. Yay!
~ I had a great time in the Dominican. Drank from 10 until 6 every day and went to bed early every night except my last night. That was not my smartest decision...the staying up part, not the drinking part. That didn't hurt at all.
~ I haven't had a period in months and my happy heart is also reacting a bit to the hormone change. I am actually feeling a bit moody and I don't like that. I didn't even think to give thanks before I got outta bed this morning. I have to really focus on happy which is odd.
~ I removed all my clothes from my bedroom except the few things I can actually wear. My wardrobe is very limited but I like having few options. I am not exaggerating if I said that between Hannah and I we disposed of hundreds of items. So sad to have so much. Never again!
~ at this moment I would have unprotected sex in the middle of Charlotte Street - at lunchtime - with an AIDS infected leper in exchange for a warm brownie with ice cream if it was less than 100 calories.
Cheers
Jeannie
So here is a recap:
~ my hair is growing very fast. I am a chia pet. We cannot identify the colour. It is a mix of blonde, grey, silver, white and brown. It is soft like baby hair. As for the rest of my body, well, all that came back fast and furious as well. No ambiguity about the colour there.
~ still trying to figure out the cup size of my baby boob. It's small but not small enough. I want 'Kate Hudson' breasts. Okay, and maybe her ass and tummy. I'm only 50 lbs away from that goal.
~ the diet is going well. I am losing one pound a day so far. I love the food and get to eat a piece of toast every morning if I wish...and a bananas and cheese. Yay!
~ I had a great time in the Dominican. Drank from 10 until 6 every day and went to bed early every night except my last night. That was not my smartest decision...the staying up part, not the drinking part. That didn't hurt at all.
~ I haven't had a period in months and my happy heart is also reacting a bit to the hormone change. I am actually feeling a bit moody and I don't like that. I didn't even think to give thanks before I got outta bed this morning. I have to really focus on happy which is odd.
~ I removed all my clothes from my bedroom except the few things I can actually wear. My wardrobe is very limited but I like having few options. I am not exaggerating if I said that between Hannah and I we disposed of hundreds of items. So sad to have so much. Never again!
~ at this moment I would have unprotected sex in the middle of Charlotte Street - at lunchtime - with an AIDS infected leper in exchange for a warm brownie with ice cream if it was less than 100 calories.
Cheers
Jeannie
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
Week 1 April 2 - 8 ; Carb Lovers Diet Phase I The Kickstart
OMG I cannot believe I am doing this. However, since early Autumn 2011 I have been taking advantage of my diagnosis and eating anything that comes within reach. Evolution has actually caused my arms and my tongue to extend beyond their regular reach. I can now lick the bottom of the peanut butter jar and also reach other people's food from across the room. Unfortunately I still only have one stomach and sluggish metabolism. Soooo, here's the deal...
The Carb Lovers Diet:
Seven Day Kickstart Plan: 1200 cals a day, I follow the pre-created menu and should drop about 6 lbs. This phase helps kick the sugar addiction and create rapid weight loss. Both will give more incentive to continue on in a positive fashion. Believe me, if I thought for one second this wasn't going to work I would NEVER pose in a bathing suit and post it here. Every Monday I will post my pics and body stats and totally shame myself. It doesn't matter though because I need your help.
So, here it is: bust 40", waist 36", hips 44.5", weight 161 lbs. God help me...please blur your eyes when looking at the pictures ;o)
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The Carb Lovers Diet:
Seven Day Kickstart Plan: 1200 cals a day, I follow the pre-created menu and should drop about 6 lbs. This phase helps kick the sugar addiction and create rapid weight loss. Both will give more incentive to continue on in a positive fashion. Believe me, if I thought for one second this wasn't going to work I would NEVER pose in a bathing suit and post it here. Every Monday I will post my pics and body stats and totally shame myself. It doesn't matter though because I need your help.
So, here it is: bust 40", waist 36", hips 44.5", weight 161 lbs. God help me...please blur your eyes when looking at the pictures ;o)
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Thursday, March 29, 2012
UPDATE
Woooo Hoooo, I had my first radiation treatment today. The little twin and her surrounding tissue will receive 15 more regular treatments and four boosts. That is only 19 more trips to the Cancer Centre. I think I may just go on the 'Net and look for a new rack! Later my peeps!
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. Just in case you are tone deaf, yes I'm extremely happy :o)
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. Just in case you are tone deaf, yes I'm extremely happy :o)
Blah!
Radiation was canceled yesterday. No treatment plan designed yet. God, I must have one very special breast!
Cheers
Jeannie
Cheers
Jeannie
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
I'm back!
Wow, it feels like a very long time since I have taken the time to update my blog. As it turns out, the seroma was finally small enough that I can now start radiation. I was very excited and mildly disappointed. I had decided that if I was expected to wait another week for the fluid to reabsorb I would do my waiting in the Dominican. I was then informed that my radiation would not be scheduled until late the following week so they would push it ahead a few more days to allow me a vacation. I was totally ecstatic! I danced out of the hospital and drove like a demon to get home. I went on the 'Net and booked a vacation immediately. I decided to take my girl child with me because Chris would never be able to go on a trip with only a few minutes notice. He's such a girl. I had to buy all new clothes because this years body was not going to fit in anything I wore last year. I was also under direct doctors orders to keep the sun off my chest. I sat under the grass umbrellas every day with my legs sticking out drinking beer and rum. It was great. My final bit of news is that I received my Carb Lovers Diet books from Amazon. I have to buy food and I am very excited to start this lifestyle. Perhaps by the end of summer I will be back to a normal (for me) weight. I look forward to that day as much as I look forward to my last day of radiation. I am so blessed and thankful to have so much to look forward to in life.
Cheers
Jeannie
Cheers
Jeannie
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Cape Breton Cancer Centre - Patient Care Fundraiser
My friend Natalie Maglario is generously sponsoring this very worthwhile event. Please pop in and show your support. I'll be there signing glossy 8 x 10s of myself - lol...well, I'll be there :o)
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Friday, March 9, 2012
What a Day
I won't keep you long but wanted to pass on a quick update. I have a cold. It's awful and I never intend to get another one. Ugh, it is quite possibly the worse I have felt in a very long time. However, in spite of that I managed a hike with the dogs today. It was 15 degrees so it had to be done. I came home, crawled in bed and slipped off to sleep. I woke up 40 minutes before my appointment with my surgeon. Showered and made it on time, forgot to register because I was hopped up on cold medicine but eventually got in. Oh right, this is what I came to tell you (pardon me, still juiced up from the drugs). Dr.M drained the seroma again this time he only pulled off about 60 cc's. He went through the front of my breast which gave me the complete horrors. Do what you want to me but for Gods sake, don't let me see it.
Anyway,wish me luck that next Thursday I get stimulated, er I mean, simulated ;o)
There will be no more drainings so if it doesn't work this time I'm not sure what will happen. Either way, all is good and my path report came back nice and clean from my last surgery.
Cheers
Jeannie
Anyway,wish me luck that next Thursday I get stimulated, er I mean, simulated ;o)
There will be no more drainings so if it doesn't work this time I'm not sure what will happen. Either way, all is good and my path report came back nice and clean from my last surgery.
Cheers
Jeannie
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
My Cup Runneth Over
Well I went for the re-sim yesterday hoping and praying the swelling in my breast was anything other than fluid...obviously not cancer but you know what I mean. Surprise, it was fluid. Although the fluid keeps my otherwise half sized mammary more like a 2/3s full one and certainly balances me out, it is keeping me from getting radiation. In addition to that, it hurts. Not in a 'slammed my hand in a car door' type of way. More like a 'caught my tit in an electric breast pump on high suction' way with a dash of 'let's just stick random needles through your unfrozen nipple' kinda way. My nipple feels like I was swimming in very cold water braless with just a t-shirt on. Or, if someone sandpapered it and then put a foldback binder clip on it. The ouchies don't last for long but are periodic and more frequent than I like. The nip discomfort never goes away. Due to the discomfort and probably because I spend waaaayyy to much time alone I find myself with my hand in my bra checking it out or cradling it. It needs the attention. I have grown quite attached to it, like a homely orphan. It makes my maternal sense tingle and at times I want to rock and breastfeed it.
So, with that I am going to try to get back to sleep. I get tapped off tomorrow and next Thursday they will attempt another simulation. I know this time there isn't 250+cc's in there but I an sure there is enough to keep me entertained for a few minutes. I am presently having fantasies of jamming a juice bag straw directly into the incision but suppose I will wait for Dr. M to do it, properly with a gigantic, almost gag-like, syringe again. Happy March 7th Day. I'm sure it's a special day somewhere. Perhaps National Pencil Day or Hug a Squirrel Day. Anyway, whatever the occasion it's garbage and recycling day here in Westmount so I'm going to celebrate that today. You can celebrate it as well...I can't curb your enthusiasm over this kind of excitement.
Cheers everyone
Jeannie
So, with that I am going to try to get back to sleep. I get tapped off tomorrow and next Thursday they will attempt another simulation. I know this time there isn't 250+cc's in there but I an sure there is enough to keep me entertained for a few minutes. I am presently having fantasies of jamming a juice bag straw directly into the incision but suppose I will wait for Dr. M to do it, properly with a gigantic, almost gag-like, syringe again. Happy March 7th Day. I'm sure it's a special day somewhere. Perhaps National Pencil Day or Hug a Squirrel Day. Anyway, whatever the occasion it's garbage and recycling day here in Westmount so I'm going to celebrate that today. You can celebrate it as well...I can't curb your enthusiasm over this kind of excitement.
Cheers everyone
Jeannie
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
New Page
FYI...I have added another page to this blog to track my lifestyle improvements and weight loss. Wish me luck :D
Saturday, February 25, 2012
The lowest of the lows :o(
I had a rough year. Chris and I both lost our jobs, used up all of our savings to build a new company, my mother is very sick, my grandmother died, I was diagnosed with cancer, agreed to treatments that I didn't want, became bald and obese. All through that I shrugged my shoulders and said to myself that what is meant to be, will be. Yesterday, I found out that my radiation was going to be postponed because the huge seroma in my breast made my scans unusable. The entire breast was fluid. Although seromas can be common after a mastectomy, mine was really bleeping large...remember the 270 cc of fluid removed. I was supposed to go for a rescan Tuesday coming but my breast is filling up again so it is pointless. I am scheduled to go back March 6. If all the fluid doesn't reabsorb then that scan may be unusable as well. However, that isn't going to happen.
Anyway, I had to cancel my vacation. I fantasized about this all year. I convinced myself that if I did everything that needed to be done I would be able to go away. I just had to be a good girl. I was devastated and told the very sweet folks at the cancer centre that I would choose vacation over radiation. Then i had a big crying jag. Shortly after that I received an e-mail from someone who lost her father to cancer. Her e-mail was lovely and at no point did she wail on about her own loss. I felt like such an asshole. There I was sitting there crying because I couldn't go play in the sand.
Now I say, 'what is meant to be, will be'. The crying and anger are gone. I am totally ashamed that I was so sour about canceling the vacation in light of the following facts:
* I am now cancer-free
* All my treatments were free of charge
* All my treatments were performed by the loveliest and most professional people
* So many people die in spite of all the treatment they receive
* Too many people are diagnosed too late to even receive treatment
* I am fat because I had the blessing of plenty of food
* I was blessed to have savings to open the business
* Yes I was bald but my hair is growing back (everywhere!)
I could go on and on but I won't. I promise to remember all those people who have lost their battle with cancer and prioritize my feelings from now on. I will not participate in a pity party hosted by myself and will remember the bounty of blessings I receive on a daily basis. I apologize to anyone who had to listen to me yesterday. Thank you for not punching me in the face.
Cheers
Jeannie
Anyway, I had to cancel my vacation. I fantasized about this all year. I convinced myself that if I did everything that needed to be done I would be able to go away. I just had to be a good girl. I was devastated and told the very sweet folks at the cancer centre that I would choose vacation over radiation. Then i had a big crying jag. Shortly after that I received an e-mail from someone who lost her father to cancer. Her e-mail was lovely and at no point did she wail on about her own loss. I felt like such an asshole. There I was sitting there crying because I couldn't go play in the sand.
Now I say, 'what is meant to be, will be'. The crying and anger are gone. I am totally ashamed that I was so sour about canceling the vacation in light of the following facts:
* I am now cancer-free
* All my treatments were free of charge
* All my treatments were performed by the loveliest and most professional people
* So many people die in spite of all the treatment they receive
* Too many people are diagnosed too late to even receive treatment
* I am fat because I had the blessing of plenty of food
* I was blessed to have savings to open the business
* Yes I was bald but my hair is growing back (everywhere!)
I could go on and on but I won't. I promise to remember all those people who have lost their battle with cancer and prioritize my feelings from now on. I will not participate in a pity party hosted by myself and will remember the bounty of blessings I receive on a daily basis. I apologize to anyone who had to listen to me yesterday. Thank you for not punching me in the face.
Cheers
Jeannie
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Who said cancer is boring
After I changed into the required costume I followed the pretty blonde into the cool, quiet room. She led me to the bed, encouraging me to lie down on my back. Her partner, also young and beautiful approached me from the opposite side of the bed. Covering me in a warm blanket, tag teaming, they worked in unison making sure I was comfortable, raising my knees and pulling my arm over my head. Their hands were cold but my skin was hot. Slowly they pulled my arms from the gown and ornamented my breasts to assure our time together would be recorded. With markers they made indications on my skin, perhaps to tease me or to set reminders for a later time. The more sadistic of the two brought out a needle and ink and left three tiny tattoos behind...one dot representing our time together, one dot for each of us. The whirring noise started and I began sliding in and out of the tunnel as they watched from another room. Totally relaxed I began to drift off. Before I had a chance to fall asleep my new friends came back to the room. They pulled me into a sitting position and I climbed off the table. I removed my gowns and pulled my clothes back on. We sat together discussing how and when our next visits would take place. We discussed the negative effects that could take place but felt encouraged that the positive would far outweigh the negative. We took a photo, once again, to mark the moment. We made a date to meet up again on the 27th of this month and 19 more times following that visit. I'm pretty excited about the whole thing :o)
Cheers
Jeannie
Cheers
Jeannie
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
The Benefits Of Exercising With Cancer by David Haas
Anyone who has cancer can benefit from exercise. This includes anyone who has just been diagnosed, those who have had cancer awhile or those whose cancer is in remission. The key is to start some type of workout regimen right away after getting the okay from your doctor. Those with mesothelioma, which is a lethal form of lung cancer caused by asbestos, can also benefit from exercise. These individuals should start slowly and build their endurance up, as it will take time to build stamina.
One of the major benefits of exercise for cancer is that it increases your energy level. Cancer patients often feel fatigued from the disease. A little exercise per day can help you restore some lost energy, which enables you to accomplish more. Exercises can also help improve your moods if you have cancer. Exercise stimulates endorphins in the body. These are chemicals that trigger certain neurotransmitters in the body, according to Webmd.com. These neurotransmitters act as natural analgesics, assuaging pain and improving your mood. Similarly, regular exercise can also improve your self-confidence. Your self-confidence may improve because you can accomplish more with renewed energy. Additionally, exercise is know to reduce hormone levels in women, which lowers the chance of breast and colorectal cancer, according to the National Cancer Institute. Exercise also decreases the odds that the cancer will return--in both males and females.
There are different types of exercises to perform when recovering from cancer. Flexibility exercises such as stretching can help limber you up and prevent stiffness and pain. Stretch your arms overhead, bend from side to side, or sit on the floor and perform various stretching exercises. Stretch all major muscle groups, including your neck, chest, back, arms, thighs and calves. Start walking or doing cardiovascular exercises, such as walking or jogging on the treadmill. Use the exercise bike. Add resistance training like weightlifting to your regimen. Exercise help promote blood flow, which can increase the healing process from cancer.
The American Cancer Society recommends that the general population exercise 30 to 60 minutes per day, five days per week at a vigorous pace. Cancer patients are encouraged to build up to this type of exercise over time. Join a gym so you can do the various forms of exercise. Ask a trainer to instruct you on some of the various exercises if you are unfamiliar with weightlifting.
Exercise helps you remove deadly toxins from the body, which you have when you suffer from cancer. The movement of blood increases oxygen levels in various body tissues, which carry healing agents like vitamin C and other antioxidants. It is also important to drink lots of water when your exercise and maintain a healthy diet. Eat more lean meats, grains and fresh vegetables and fruits.
David Haas
Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance Guest Blogger
http://about.me/haasblaag
click for mesothelioma info
Click for link about physical activity
One of the major benefits of exercise for cancer is that it increases your energy level. Cancer patients often feel fatigued from the disease. A little exercise per day can help you restore some lost energy, which enables you to accomplish more. Exercises can also help improve your moods if you have cancer. Exercise stimulates endorphins in the body. These are chemicals that trigger certain neurotransmitters in the body, according to Webmd.com. These neurotransmitters act as natural analgesics, assuaging pain and improving your mood. Similarly, regular exercise can also improve your self-confidence. Your self-confidence may improve because you can accomplish more with renewed energy. Additionally, exercise is know to reduce hormone levels in women, which lowers the chance of breast and colorectal cancer, according to the National Cancer Institute. Exercise also decreases the odds that the cancer will return--in both males and females.
There are different types of exercises to perform when recovering from cancer. Flexibility exercises such as stretching can help limber you up and prevent stiffness and pain. Stretch your arms overhead, bend from side to side, or sit on the floor and perform various stretching exercises. Stretch all major muscle groups, including your neck, chest, back, arms, thighs and calves. Start walking or doing cardiovascular exercises, such as walking or jogging on the treadmill. Use the exercise bike. Add resistance training like weightlifting to your regimen. Exercise help promote blood flow, which can increase the healing process from cancer.
The American Cancer Society recommends that the general population exercise 30 to 60 minutes per day, five days per week at a vigorous pace. Cancer patients are encouraged to build up to this type of exercise over time. Join a gym so you can do the various forms of exercise. Ask a trainer to instruct you on some of the various exercises if you are unfamiliar with weightlifting.
Exercise helps you remove deadly toxins from the body, which you have when you suffer from cancer. The movement of blood increases oxygen levels in various body tissues, which carry healing agents like vitamin C and other antioxidants. It is also important to drink lots of water when your exercise and maintain a healthy diet. Eat more lean meats, grains and fresh vegetables and fruits.
David Haas
Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance Guest Blogger
http://about.me/haasblaag
click for mesothelioma info
Click for link about physical activity
Tattoo Day
I am so very, very happy. Do you ever feel like your heart is going to blow up from being too full! Why? Specifically, I can't name it. I can't list all the reasons because there are way too many.
I had a pretty crappy time over the last few weeks. My surgery went fine but I think I broke something inside my boob a few days later and it was burning with the heat of a thousand suns when I bent over. Then Nanny fell and broke her bones and died. Of course my Mom is still very sick and might have to go back to hospital this week. However, yesterday I started to feel very happy again. I am just so filled with gratitude for all the wonderful things in my life. I said it before and I will say it again...I'm a very blessed girl!
Tomorrow, is my workup day with the radiologist. I will receive my tattoos I believe. These will be my first tattoos ever - and my last. I'm kind of excited. I can't wait to see the machine!
To all my friends who have had their mammograms recently, I pray your results are perfect. Teresa, I know you will be fine. Thinking of you!
Cheers
Jeannie
I had a pretty crappy time over the last few weeks. My surgery went fine but I think I broke something inside my boob a few days later and it was burning with the heat of a thousand suns when I bent over. Then Nanny fell and broke her bones and died. Of course my Mom is still very sick and might have to go back to hospital this week. However, yesterday I started to feel very happy again. I am just so filled with gratitude for all the wonderful things in my life. I said it before and I will say it again...I'm a very blessed girl!
Tomorrow, is my workup day with the radiologist. I will receive my tattoos I believe. These will be my first tattoos ever - and my last. I'm kind of excited. I can't wait to see the machine!
To all my friends who have had their mammograms recently, I pray your results are perfect. Teresa, I know you will be fine. Thinking of you!
Cheers
Jeannie
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Tits, hips and hearts
Good afternoon everyone
Today is day 6 post surgery #2. I feel terrific. I cannot remember the last time I blogged so I apologize in advance if I'm being repetitive. Long story short this surgery was similar to my initial surgery. It was another quadrantectomy. Two quarters make a half so i guess i can say i have a halfanectomy. I removed the bandage after two full days because this time the tape was threatening to eat through my skin and into my bones. I had a blistery rash that hurt and itched. Combine that with the minor bruising pain of the tissues underneath I obviously had to remove my steri-strips yesterday. It felt so good to peel those off. I have a lot of sloshing in the breast which I noticed around day two or three. I went to see my favorite surgeon in the world, the amazing Dr. MacMullin to have the fluid drained. Naturally, I didn't want a needle in the breast so I asked if the fluid would reabsorb. It will. It will take a long time but I chose that option. I would love to have watched just to see what was in there but not enough to actually wait for the needle to touch down. So, it sounds like I have a hot water bottle in my top but that's okay by me. I aspirate a lump on my dog Casey's face every month or so. I love it. After the fluid is drained you can't see where the lump was. As I thought of that I imagined my breast deflating. I figured the fluid would keep it plumped up a bit. God knows its smaller than the other but not that uneven in my clothing. It would have looked like a little shelf otherwise; although convenient and a dream to have my own chest-shelf, I didn't think this was the time. I pulled a stitch today. It was sticking out so I gave it a tiny little tug and it came out. It made me smile.
Some of you know that my grandmother broke her hip and wrist Friday, had surgery Sunday and a very bad heart attack Monday. We didn't expect her to last an hour. However, Supernanny is blowing the minds of everyone around her in the 'Hip, hip hooray' ward. Although flatlining yesterday and left to allow nature to take its course, in a kind way of course not a negligent way, today she ate breakfast and lunch and was sitting on the side of the bed. She's not out of the woods yet but she's not going to go down without a fight. Way to go Nanny!
I would once again like to thank all the people who approach me and say the loveliest things. I really appreciate it.
I should have the results back from my surgery in less than five more days. I know they will be okay but want the proof on paper :o)
Sending out positive healing vibes to my new friend Theresa. Good luck Sister!
Cheers
Jeannie
Today is day 6 post surgery #2. I feel terrific. I cannot remember the last time I blogged so I apologize in advance if I'm being repetitive. Long story short this surgery was similar to my initial surgery. It was another quadrantectomy. Two quarters make a half so i guess i can say i have a halfanectomy. I removed the bandage after two full days because this time the tape was threatening to eat through my skin and into my bones. I had a blistery rash that hurt and itched. Combine that with the minor bruising pain of the tissues underneath I obviously had to remove my steri-strips yesterday. It felt so good to peel those off. I have a lot of sloshing in the breast which I noticed around day two or three. I went to see my favorite surgeon in the world, the amazing Dr. MacMullin to have the fluid drained. Naturally, I didn't want a needle in the breast so I asked if the fluid would reabsorb. It will. It will take a long time but I chose that option. I would love to have watched just to see what was in there but not enough to actually wait for the needle to touch down. So, it sounds like I have a hot water bottle in my top but that's okay by me. I aspirate a lump on my dog Casey's face every month or so. I love it. After the fluid is drained you can't see where the lump was. As I thought of that I imagined my breast deflating. I figured the fluid would keep it plumped up a bit. God knows its smaller than the other but not that uneven in my clothing. It would have looked like a little shelf otherwise; although convenient and a dream to have my own chest-shelf, I didn't think this was the time. I pulled a stitch today. It was sticking out so I gave it a tiny little tug and it came out. It made me smile.
Some of you know that my grandmother broke her hip and wrist Friday, had surgery Sunday and a very bad heart attack Monday. We didn't expect her to last an hour. However, Supernanny is blowing the minds of everyone around her in the 'Hip, hip hooray' ward. Although flatlining yesterday and left to allow nature to take its course, in a kind way of course not a negligent way, today she ate breakfast and lunch and was sitting on the side of the bed. She's not out of the woods yet but she's not going to go down without a fight. Way to go Nanny!
I would once again like to thank all the people who approach me and say the loveliest things. I really appreciate it.
I should have the results back from my surgery in less than five more days. I know they will be okay but want the proof on paper :o)
Sending out positive healing vibes to my new friend Theresa. Good luck Sister!
Cheers
Jeannie
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Patiently Waiting! **Updated**
So I had my surgery yesterday. It went very well. I didn't want to wake up in recovery so I was at the hospital a bit longer than I expected. Actually, I knew I wouldn't wake as quick as they would like so it was no surprise to me. I managed to walk to the truck with Chris and felt pretty stable. When we pulled up to the house and I got out of the truck I nearly fainted. Chris ran to my side and kept me vertical-my hero. So he tucked me in bed and I slept on and off the rest of the day and night. Other than very blurry vision I felt very good and still do.
So curiosity got the better of me and I pulled off my shirt to have a gander at my chest this morning. The bandage is massive but I know that buried underneath it all is a horizontal scar that is glued shut. No biggie. However, here is the best part. My breast is small!!!!!! I know it's all taped up and stuff but he said he was removing an additional 3 cm all around and in my mind that didn't seem to amount to much. I had to take a picture to show you the difference. I am so excited I want to run up and down Charlotte Street and show everyone. I cannot wait until tomorrow to take off the bandage and let it fall naturally into place. So let me introduce you to my new slimmed down breast. I let the left one out of the turkey trap so you could see the difference. It's pretty impressive!
By the way that is not my nipple in the top right corner of the photo. It's my finger. My nip is farther north :o)
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. I have to mention that my boob is full of fluid and when I move it can be heard sloshing around. I think it's pretty cool but I don't think Chris was as impressed. He actually accused me of scarring him for life. Go figure!
So curiosity got the better of me and I pulled off my shirt to have a gander at my chest this morning. The bandage is massive but I know that buried underneath it all is a horizontal scar that is glued shut. No biggie. However, here is the best part. My breast is small!!!!!! I know it's all taped up and stuff but he said he was removing an additional 3 cm all around and in my mind that didn't seem to amount to much. I had to take a picture to show you the difference. I am so excited I want to run up and down Charlotte Street and show everyone. I cannot wait until tomorrow to take off the bandage and let it fall naturally into place. So let me introduce you to my new slimmed down breast. I let the left one out of the turkey trap so you could see the difference. It's pretty impressive!
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. I have to mention that my boob is full of fluid and when I move it can be heard sloshing around. I think it's pretty cool but I don't think Chris was as impressed. He actually accused me of scarring him for life. Go figure!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Re-excision Day: February 1, 2012
Good morning everyone! So today is the day. I have to say I'm pretty darn excited it is here. The sooner it starts, the sooner it will be over and we can move on to radiation. This is out of character for me but I just woke and have to tell you about my dream.
DREAM: I was on a wagon journey with a Tribe of Indigenous people. My traveling partner was Shirley McLaine which was AWESOME. When the wagon stopped for the night a hut was assembled and it was entirely made of white shells. It was dome shaped. The small glowing fire inside lit up the shells and made them luminous. When I remarked on the beauty of the structure they explained that during prayer times when they called upon the spirits of their ancestors or other advising spirits, the dome shape allowed the spirits to travel the room and not get trapped in corners. They could slip out the door flap....the next bit I remember is getting up before dawn to continue our travel. Before we could leave we had to take a preventative elixir to ensure our good health. One tasted like balsam and the other tasted like berries. I expected them to be horrible but they weren't. My memory is fading already but I also remember it was a group of all women with the exception of one young man. He was uncomfortable being the only male traveler because he had to be alone more frequently. He had to sleep alone while the women slept communally. The leaders of the group, although mostly male, didn't play into this part of my dream. The young man was quite put-out and was trying to walk away from the group when I woke up. The only other bit I remember is looking at hand drawn maps of the area and fantasizing about being by the water. That was where we were headed. I will mention that I dream of water all the time....big water, not a glass of water or the bathtub. So, why did I tell you this? First, I am so damn hungry and thirsty I need to distract myself from eating and drinking. Second, I have surgery today and I can see a lot of parallels between my dream and not just the surgery but breast cancer itself. Maybe you can see them too.
So, I need to go to hospital for seven, surgery is at eight, recovery for one hour then back to day surgery for an hour. If all goes well I should be out of there by one in the afternoon. I have no procedures prior to surgery this time...no rides of shame wearing a styrofoam cup over my 'dome shaped, white, luminous-with-the-light-shining-on-it' breast. Wink, wink. Are you catching on. Mine even comes with the door flap! Isn't the mind totally extraordinary!
Well, I need to find something else to do to kill another 90 minutes. I could/should shave my legs which are VERY hairy but I want to save that. It's soft and as soon as I shave it I know it's going to turn back into paint-bristle stubble. A giant shout-out to the lucky nurse who is going to put the surgical stockings on me, 'Yes, I do know I need to shave and I'm sorry you had to see them'.
The last thing I need to say is thank you. Thank you to the CBC Radio, the CTV, the Chronicle Herald, the Cape Breton Post, family and friends old and new. Thank you for helping to spread the message of hope that we can keep this disease from killing women by encouraging early diagnosis. Book your mammogram today. Keep the appointment. For all the women who wrote telling me they booked, I pray with all my heart you have clear results. Congrats to those who told me they received their negative results. For those who may receive less than good results, stay strong and don't let this break you down. If you have to take this journey, do it with your head held high. Pass the worry on to the universal energy so you can focus on taking one step at a time. Negativity breeds negativity. Don't let it invade you because the results of that are far worse than any cancer. Imagine every cancer cell in your body with a sly smirk on its face, rubbing it's hands together every time you think negatively. It's food and energy for them to grow. Don't feed the little bastards. Finally, stay away from negative people. People who need to vent/complain on a constant basis are poison. Put your hand in their face and tell them to stop poisoning your soul. Tell them to write that shit in a journal and then burn it.
I'm here for you if you need me. In case I die during surgery, which I won't, but if I do remember to BOOK YOUR MAMMOGRAMS...or prostate exam, or PAP test.
Cheers
Jeannie
DREAM: I was on a wagon journey with a Tribe of Indigenous people. My traveling partner was Shirley McLaine which was AWESOME. When the wagon stopped for the night a hut was assembled and it was entirely made of white shells. It was dome shaped. The small glowing fire inside lit up the shells and made them luminous. When I remarked on the beauty of the structure they explained that during prayer times when they called upon the spirits of their ancestors or other advising spirits, the dome shape allowed the spirits to travel the room and not get trapped in corners. They could slip out the door flap....the next bit I remember is getting up before dawn to continue our travel. Before we could leave we had to take a preventative elixir to ensure our good health. One tasted like balsam and the other tasted like berries. I expected them to be horrible but they weren't. My memory is fading already but I also remember it was a group of all women with the exception of one young man. He was uncomfortable being the only male traveler because he had to be alone more frequently. He had to sleep alone while the women slept communally. The leaders of the group, although mostly male, didn't play into this part of my dream. The young man was quite put-out and was trying to walk away from the group when I woke up. The only other bit I remember is looking at hand drawn maps of the area and fantasizing about being by the water. That was where we were headed. I will mention that I dream of water all the time....big water, not a glass of water or the bathtub. So, why did I tell you this? First, I am so damn hungry and thirsty I need to distract myself from eating and drinking. Second, I have surgery today and I can see a lot of parallels between my dream and not just the surgery but breast cancer itself. Maybe you can see them too.
So, I need to go to hospital for seven, surgery is at eight, recovery for one hour then back to day surgery for an hour. If all goes well I should be out of there by one in the afternoon. I have no procedures prior to surgery this time...no rides of shame wearing a styrofoam cup over my 'dome shaped, white, luminous-with-the-light-shining-on-it' breast. Wink, wink. Are you catching on. Mine even comes with the door flap! Isn't the mind totally extraordinary!
Well, I need to find something else to do to kill another 90 minutes. I could/should shave my legs which are VERY hairy but I want to save that. It's soft and as soon as I shave it I know it's going to turn back into paint-bristle stubble. A giant shout-out to the lucky nurse who is going to put the surgical stockings on me, 'Yes, I do know I need to shave and I'm sorry you had to see them'.
The last thing I need to say is thank you. Thank you to the CBC Radio, the CTV, the Chronicle Herald, the Cape Breton Post, family and friends old and new. Thank you for helping to spread the message of hope that we can keep this disease from killing women by encouraging early diagnosis. Book your mammogram today. Keep the appointment. For all the women who wrote telling me they booked, I pray with all my heart you have clear results. Congrats to those who told me they received their negative results. For those who may receive less than good results, stay strong and don't let this break you down. If you have to take this journey, do it with your head held high. Pass the worry on to the universal energy so you can focus on taking one step at a time. Negativity breeds negativity. Don't let it invade you because the results of that are far worse than any cancer. Imagine every cancer cell in your body with a sly smirk on its face, rubbing it's hands together every time you think negatively. It's food and energy for them to grow. Don't feed the little bastards. Finally, stay away from negative people. People who need to vent/complain on a constant basis are poison. Put your hand in their face and tell them to stop poisoning your soul. Tell them to write that shit in a journal and then burn it.
I'm here for you if you need me. In case I die during surgery, which I won't, but if I do remember to BOOK YOUR MAMMOGRAMS...or prostate exam, or PAP test.
Cheers
Jeannie
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Just discovered the secret to weight loss
Yesterday, Chris and I finished putting the treadmill together. Now there's the test of a marriage! It's right up there with hanging wallpaper or putting up a tent together in the dark. Apparently I don't know how to use a screwdriver! He'll find out how well I can use a screwdriver one of these days!
I have a lot of weight to lose...about 30 lbs. Breast cancer patients are more prone to weight gain than other cancer patients. Well the ones that don't throw up constantly or have chronic diarrhea. I put on a bit more than the average patient though. Being overweight prior to chemo I have compound weight to lose. In the end however, eating made me feel better and helped combat the nausea. It was well earned.
I emphasize that listening to your body and taking care of it is very important. Losing weight to look good is one incentive. Primarily I would like to be able to pull off yoga poses without having to redistribute my fat from side to side. I also have to lose my ass vagina...you know what I mean by ass vagina. If not, look it up on the Net. Carrying around this weight isn't good either. Pack groceries in a bag that equals the desired weight you want to lose and run up and down the stairs. See how heavy that is....it's tough. I will probably stroke out or have a heart attack if I try running up the stairs without the groceries. So it's actually an assumption. My ass vagina, however is very real.
I have surgery in one week. My goal is to lose 3 lbs between now and then. I am going to add a new page to this Blog to record the weight loss challenge as soon as I learn how to do it.
Well I am off for now. Don't forget to BOOK and KEEP your mammogram appointments. Gigantic hugs and healthy vibes to all my friends who have done so. I am very proud of you! Spread the word. It's bad enough we get breast cancer. Let's catch it early and to do that get screened!
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. Oh yea, the secret to weight loss is to eat fewer calories than you burn. Who knew, pfff!
I have a lot of weight to lose...about 30 lbs. Breast cancer patients are more prone to weight gain than other cancer patients. Well the ones that don't throw up constantly or have chronic diarrhea. I put on a bit more than the average patient though. Being overweight prior to chemo I have compound weight to lose. In the end however, eating made me feel better and helped combat the nausea. It was well earned.
I emphasize that listening to your body and taking care of it is very important. Losing weight to look good is one incentive. Primarily I would like to be able to pull off yoga poses without having to redistribute my fat from side to side. I also have to lose my ass vagina...you know what I mean by ass vagina. If not, look it up on the Net. Carrying around this weight isn't good either. Pack groceries in a bag that equals the desired weight you want to lose and run up and down the stairs. See how heavy that is....it's tough. I will probably stroke out or have a heart attack if I try running up the stairs without the groceries. So it's actually an assumption. My ass vagina, however is very real.
I have surgery in one week. My goal is to lose 3 lbs between now and then. I am going to add a new page to this Blog to record the weight loss challenge as soon as I learn how to do it.
Well I am off for now. Don't forget to BOOK and KEEP your mammogram appointments. Gigantic hugs and healthy vibes to all my friends who have done so. I am very proud of you! Spread the word. It's bad enough we get breast cancer. Let's catch it early and to do that get screened!
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. Oh yea, the secret to weight loss is to eat fewer calories than you burn. Who knew, pfff!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Still a long way from a ponytail...
My hair is coming back. Its about day 18 of my last chemo cycle. The hair on my legs is really soft and thin. It is also quite fair so I think I will leave it until it gets long enough to hang out from the bottom of my pants or I go on vacation, whichever comes first. I have nothing under my arms yet - thank you Jesus! I have hair on my head, well stubble on my head. It was getting stuck in my yoga mat today. It felt very similar to the Epilady. That inhumane tool that was out in the 90s that pulled your hair out by the roots. It will be nice to have hair again...except for the washing it and getting hair cuts. I hope it grows back thinner and less course than it naturally is. I also hope it isn't curly. I love curls but not on me. My unmentionable part has a wee bit of hair too. I have no beard or mustache yet.
My energy level has nearly returned to normal. I need to force myself to do a bit more than I'm actually willing to do but that's because I'm lazy. It has nothing to do with side effects. It was suggested by Dr. K. that my overies were probably affected by the chemo. I have a tough time staying asleep and I have hot flashes and night sweats. Early menopause is not uncommon after treatment. Other than that I think I'm almost back to normal.
Speaking of normal, what's normal (thank you Karen B. for your message on this)? My per-diagnosis normal is vastly different than what this normal will be. Some of you know this but I don't believe I Blogged about it.
In late Spring of last year I took a good look at myself and decided that as a 40 year old woman I still had a long time left to live. I was overweight, hardly exercising and drinking way too much beer. I started hiking and walking more, I stopped drinking, hired a personal trainer and nutritionist. Together we worked hard at breaking my bad habits and developing a new life style. I was feeling pretty darn good but having a very hard time keeping my sugar from dropping very, very low. I spent a lot of time recording everything I did and believed that there was nothing going on in my body that I wasn't aware of. Pretty ironic eh. Here I believed I was hitting the healthiest point in my life. Again, a reminder that you can feel awesome or you can feel really crappy. Either way you can have dirty little cancer cells growing in your boobies. Get a mammogram.
On an entirely different note,I need to say is this: I am not special, except I am my mothers favorite child. The publicity about my Blog isn't because I have anything spectacular to say. It's because I am totally ordinary. I am just like you, well maybe a bit better and obviously WAY more popular, but just Jeannie. Jeannie with breast cancer who by a fluke had a mammogram. I underreact to everything so I know that my lack of fear is perhaps a bit stronger than the average bear's would be. And God knows that I know that cancer is serious and lots of wonderful people, and some assholes, die of it every day. My father died of kidney cancer when he was 49 so I understand the threat of the disease. What I am saying is that MY CANCER, not yours, or yours, or yours isn't serious. This is my venue to voice my thoughts and opinions about MY CANCER and MY TREATMENT. Never for one minute would I dismiss anyone else's diagnosis glibly. I was so lucky I was literally shitting out four leaf clovers. MY CANCER was caught very early. My tumor was small. Blah, blah, blah...
Anyway, keep commenting and sharing your stories with me. I love reading them. My e-mail address is jeanniekfraser@gmail.com if you prefer to write privately. I suppose some people don't want to discuss their pubic hair growth on my Blog. I understand that. I'm shy too ;o)
Lastly, I would like to apologize to anyone who had to tolerate my 'impromtu breast cancer information session' Saturday evening. I probably should have refrained from that extra glass or two of beer.
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. To read the CB Post article click HERE
My energy level has nearly returned to normal. I need to force myself to do a bit more than I'm actually willing to do but that's because I'm lazy. It has nothing to do with side effects. It was suggested by Dr. K. that my overies were probably affected by the chemo. I have a tough time staying asleep and I have hot flashes and night sweats. Early menopause is not uncommon after treatment. Other than that I think I'm almost back to normal.
Speaking of normal, what's normal (thank you Karen B. for your message on this)? My per-diagnosis normal is vastly different than what this normal will be. Some of you know this but I don't believe I Blogged about it.
In late Spring of last year I took a good look at myself and decided that as a 40 year old woman I still had a long time left to live. I was overweight, hardly exercising and drinking way too much beer. I started hiking and walking more, I stopped drinking, hired a personal trainer and nutritionist. Together we worked hard at breaking my bad habits and developing a new life style. I was feeling pretty darn good but having a very hard time keeping my sugar from dropping very, very low. I spent a lot of time recording everything I did and believed that there was nothing going on in my body that I wasn't aware of. Pretty ironic eh. Here I believed I was hitting the healthiest point in my life. Again, a reminder that you can feel awesome or you can feel really crappy. Either way you can have dirty little cancer cells growing in your boobies. Get a mammogram.
On an entirely different note,I need to say is this: I am not special, except I am my mothers favorite child. The publicity about my Blog isn't because I have anything spectacular to say. It's because I am totally ordinary. I am just like you, well maybe a bit better and obviously WAY more popular, but just Jeannie. Jeannie with breast cancer who by a fluke had a mammogram. I underreact to everything so I know that my lack of fear is perhaps a bit stronger than the average bear's would be. And God knows that I know that cancer is serious and lots of wonderful people, and some assholes, die of it every day. My father died of kidney cancer when he was 49 so I understand the threat of the disease. What I am saying is that MY CANCER, not yours, or yours, or yours isn't serious. This is my venue to voice my thoughts and opinions about MY CANCER and MY TREATMENT. Never for one minute would I dismiss anyone else's diagnosis glibly. I was so lucky I was literally shitting out four leaf clovers. MY CANCER was caught very early. My tumor was small. Blah, blah, blah...
Anyway, keep commenting and sharing your stories with me. I love reading them. My e-mail address is jeanniekfraser@gmail.com if you prefer to write privately. I suppose some people don't want to discuss their pubic hair growth on my Blog. I understand that. I'm shy too ;o)
Lastly, I would like to apologize to anyone who had to tolerate my 'impromtu breast cancer information session' Saturday evening. I probably should have refrained from that extra glass or two of beer.
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. To read the CB Post article click HERE
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Let's Get Naked
Howdy folks
After a few trips to Sobeys in the last couple of days I made a real discovery. First let me start by telling you that I went there with no make up on and I was dressed like a hobo. People who knew me and have seen me bald looked terrified by my condition. It was as if they were seeing me sick for the first time. I didn't bother mentioning that they saw me just as sick but just didn't catch on. People who should have known me didn't recognize me. The worst part was that people averted their gaze when walking by. I know I was hideous but not Regan from 'The Exorcist' hideous. It was a real eye opener for me. Since chemo started I took the time to use makeup, which I was not a big fan of previously, to disguise the cosmetic side effects of the treatment. I wasn't ashamed of being a cancer troll but for my own self confidence I found it helpful. I never heard a negative comment about my appearance. People were telling me I looked so healthy. I would tell them it was the makeup...nobody believed me. This made me think that our outsides don't always match our insides. What frightened me about this was that if people were judging themselves by their outward appearance would they take my little nudges to book a mammogram seriously. I knew, six months ago, I wouldn't have listened. So, I made a little video to show the variance of my looks from gruesome to bloody stunning...lol. Just kidding. It's actually me gussied up like Tammy Faye Baker. Then I strip down to look like I crawled out of a ditch after being left there by Hannibal Lecter. So, check it out...I called it The Naked Truth.
LET'S GET NAKED - CLICK HERE
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. Fixed it :o)
After a few trips to Sobeys in the last couple of days I made a real discovery. First let me start by telling you that I went there with no make up on and I was dressed like a hobo. People who knew me and have seen me bald looked terrified by my condition. It was as if they were seeing me sick for the first time. I didn't bother mentioning that they saw me just as sick but just didn't catch on. People who should have known me didn't recognize me. The worst part was that people averted their gaze when walking by. I know I was hideous but not Regan from 'The Exorcist' hideous. It was a real eye opener for me. Since chemo started I took the time to use makeup, which I was not a big fan of previously, to disguise the cosmetic side effects of the treatment. I wasn't ashamed of being a cancer troll but for my own self confidence I found it helpful. I never heard a negative comment about my appearance. People were telling me I looked so healthy. I would tell them it was the makeup...nobody believed me. This made me think that our outsides don't always match our insides. What frightened me about this was that if people were judging themselves by their outward appearance would they take my little nudges to book a mammogram seriously. I knew, six months ago, I wouldn't have listened. So, I made a little video to show the variance of my looks from gruesome to bloody stunning...lol. Just kidding. It's actually me gussied up like Tammy Faye Baker. Then I strip down to look like I crawled out of a ditch after being left there by Hannibal Lecter. So, check it out...I called it The Naked Truth.
LET'S GET NAKED - CLICK HERE
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. Fixed it :o)
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Somebody please pull the plug
Well it's Wednesday, five days post chemo and the exhaustion is as bad as it has ever been. Yesterday was rough but today is even worse. I have a funny sensation in my chest and I'm nauseated. I managed to 'go' to the toilet last night. I was just about to call in the Jaws of Life but managed all on my own. There were times I wished I was dead.
Monday morning I went to Yoga and did great. I really enjoy the serenity of Nicole's class. It felt great to behave like a non-cancer person for a change. Dont get me wrong, I go out all the time and keep up. However, it is always in the back of my mind that I need to be careful of germs or wonder when I'm going to crash. It was nice to just 'be'. I look forward to our next class.
The extreme fatigue kicked in that afternoon and hasn't let up since. At times I thought I was dying. I didn't believe that a person could be so tired. It's difficult to describe but if my bed was on fire I am not sure I would have been able to escape. I would lay there with my bladder pushing way past full and wonder how long it would take for my body to reabsorb its contents. I felt totally hard done by when I had to go to the toilet. How can life be so unfair by making me walk 20' to the bathroom. I have no idea when I last washed or brushed my teeth. Nor do I care. I am pretty sure it won't be happening today either.
So here I sit downstairs with the pups. Hannah works until 9 tonight and I don't know when Chris will be home. He abandoned me several day ago to work. I've been living off dried up fruit and left over kibble that rolled under the cupboards. I would call for take-away food for dinner but would have to open the door for the delivery guy and that's not happening either. I guess i will stick with kibble. Being deserted when you are sick is terrible. Poor me :o(
I think my surgery is February 1st. I am not 100% sure if I really took that call or dreamed it....wait, I will check the call log. Okay, so I have surgery February 1st. That's great because I can have my radiation over by the end of March. I try not to think too far ahead so I will shut up about that just in case I jinx myself.
Well I have to go. I have kibble to scrape together for my next meal. Take care of yourselves and each other. Don't worry about me. Kibble is a well balanced meal ;o)
Cheers
Jeannie
Monday morning I went to Yoga and did great. I really enjoy the serenity of Nicole's class. It felt great to behave like a non-cancer person for a change. Dont get me wrong, I go out all the time and keep up. However, it is always in the back of my mind that I need to be careful of germs or wonder when I'm going to crash. It was nice to just 'be'. I look forward to our next class.
The extreme fatigue kicked in that afternoon and hasn't let up since. At times I thought I was dying. I didn't believe that a person could be so tired. It's difficult to describe but if my bed was on fire I am not sure I would have been able to escape. I would lay there with my bladder pushing way past full and wonder how long it would take for my body to reabsorb its contents. I felt totally hard done by when I had to go to the toilet. How can life be so unfair by making me walk 20' to the bathroom. I have no idea when I last washed or brushed my teeth. Nor do I care. I am pretty sure it won't be happening today either.
So here I sit downstairs with the pups. Hannah works until 9 tonight and I don't know when Chris will be home. He abandoned me several day ago to work. I've been living off dried up fruit and left over kibble that rolled under the cupboards. I would call for take-away food for dinner but would have to open the door for the delivery guy and that's not happening either. I guess i will stick with kibble. Being deserted when you are sick is terrible. Poor me :o(
I think my surgery is February 1st. I am not 100% sure if I really took that call or dreamed it....wait, I will check the call log. Okay, so I have surgery February 1st. That's great because I can have my radiation over by the end of March. I try not to think too far ahead so I will shut up about that just in case I jinx myself.
Well I have to go. I have kibble to scrape together for my next meal. Take care of yourselves and each other. Don't worry about me. Kibble is a well balanced meal ;o)
Cheers
Jeannie
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Show Her the Money
Meet Joanna Lushman. After the devastating loss of her baby cousin from cancer her parents started participating in the Relay for Life. Although Joanna was very young her parents included her in the Relay from the very beginning. Two years ago Joanna decided to start her own fundraising. She donated $28 in pennies that year from her own piggybank. She vowed to raise twice as much the next year. However, instead of doubling the amount she raised over $3200! Joanna has her own Relay for Life team "Penny Pinchers For A Cure”. This years goal is TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS.
Her story is so inspirational I had to share it with you. I am including contact information for her family. Maybe you would like to spread the word and help her meet her goal. You know you hate pennies. So stick them in a jar, a pop bottle, a ziplock bag, an odd sock, a sleeping bag and get them out of your house. Give them to someone who needs, ummm, well a lot of them to make up $10 Grand. Pennies can get pretty heavy so I'm sure she wouldn't mind your paper money either.
Her parents are Alfred and Denise. Please contact them if you have money to donate. They live in Amherst.
Here is a link to view her on the CBC...watch it. Even a non-cryer like myself got a bit watery eyed.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150152998246391&set=t.661850369&type=3
Good luck Joanna. I am so proud of you. Having angels like you out there gives hope to so many people. Today it is pennies...tomorrow it may be a cure. xoxoxox
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. If the link doesn't work you will have to cut and paste because I don't really know what I'm doing.
 |
| JOANNA LUSHMAN |
Joanna is only eight years old.
Her story is so inspirational I had to share it with you. I am including contact information for her family. Maybe you would like to spread the word and help her meet her goal. You know you hate pennies. So stick them in a jar, a pop bottle, a ziplock bag, an odd sock, a sleeping bag and get them out of your house. Give them to someone who needs, ummm, well a lot of them to make up $10 Grand. Pennies can get pretty heavy so I'm sure she wouldn't mind your paper money either.
Her parents are Alfred and Denise. Please contact them if you have money to donate. They live in Amherst.
Phone #: 902-667-4849
Here is a link to view her on the CBC...watch it. Even a non-cryer like myself got a bit watery eyed.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150152998246391&set=t.661850369&type=3
Good luck Joanna. I am so proud of you. Having angels like you out there gives hope to so many people. Today it is pennies...tomorrow it may be a cure. xoxoxox
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. If the link doesn't work you will have to cut and paste because I don't really know what I'm doing.
Welcome to another day
Im all cuddled up watching Zumba, drinking tea and snuggling with my doggies. Again, how blessed am I? So far the nausea has stayed away and hope it never shows up. My final weigh in at chemo on Friday was 162 lbs. I gained 20 lbs since my surgery. So I have 30+ pounds to shed. I hope watching Zumba will help. Actually, it's making me sick watching it. I'm totally not ready for that yet!
On a serious note I want to emphasize that I know cancer is very serious. I have a very dear Aunt who finished her treatments for cancer in the Spring but apparently it didn't work. She was informed that the spots on her lungs are not treatable. I believe with lots of positive thoughts and prayers directed in her direction she will feel peace and comfort and perhaps even heal. Her name is Jenny and I would appreciate if everyone would add her to your prayer list.
I have a few things to add to the chemo side effect list that I forgot to add. One is a runny nose. Doesn't sound too bad does it. Remember what I said about losing all my hair...that included my nose hair. So while your nose drips gather in your nose hair and form boogers mine just drips out but only the left nostril. When I touch my nose (usually with my sleeve) as often as I do I develop a sore in my nose. It's the kind that makes your eyes water like you were peppers sprayed!
Did I mention the chemo brain yet? I forget everything. I eat lunch twice forgetting I already ate. Making tea takes forever. Normal tea routine: boil kettle, dump yesterday's tea bags out, add new ones, pour boiling water in teapot. My tea routine: fill kettle, dump yesterday's tea bags, remember I didn't turn kettle on, turn kettle on, get clean dog dishes to feed the fur babies, get milk, get skillet and put on burner to warm up, get kibble, empty dishwasher, load dirty flat wear with clean flat wear, remember tea, turn kettle on to reboil, turn off skillet because don't remember why it's on the stove ready to melt, wonder why dogs are staring at me while I eat a bowl of mini wheats. They look from me to the clean empty dishes, finish eating, put kibble in dish and sprinkle cheese over it, leave it on counter to reset kettle again, add tea bags to pot and organize tea and coffee cupboard, remember hungry canines, give them dishes of food, pour juice and take medicines, respond to the click of the kettle begging for mercy, pour water in teapot,search for top of teapot, find in dishwasher, add milk to my cup and wait for tea to steep, pup pups outside, turn on tv, have mini rest, remember I made tea and pour myself a cup. Sit down with iPad forgetting about tea until it is cold. Pour another cup.
A similar process follows involving the bed, washing machine, dryer, toilet and spare room. Everything I do takes a loooong time. Shopping, even with a list is horrible. This should begin to clear up I suppose when I'm detoxified. I can't wait to have a memory. As I sat waiting for the show to begin at JP Cormier's B-day bash last night I had no idea why I was there. I had to ask hubby. I thought I might have been waiting for a magic show to begin.
The last thing I will mention is a sore tongue. I don't get sores but my tongue is sensitive so it hurts to eat and drink. Obviously it hasn't slowed me down though.I say Thank God for this side effect. Imagine how much I would weigh if I could eat everything I wanted. I would be wearing a moo moo, typing with pencils, eating hot wings being fed to me via a conveyer belt. Small blessings indeed.
Well, it is time for a nap so I will say adieu to you, and you and you :o)
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. I don't always post my blog entries to Facebook. If you don't want to miss any of the mind blowing, riveting, titillating (lol, had to use that word)entries written by this literary genius I strongly suggest you subscribe to the site. You will get an e-mail when I update. Otherwise, you may not be able to keep up socially at the water cooler. Just saying...
On a serious note I want to emphasize that I know cancer is very serious. I have a very dear Aunt who finished her treatments for cancer in the Spring but apparently it didn't work. She was informed that the spots on her lungs are not treatable. I believe with lots of positive thoughts and prayers directed in her direction she will feel peace and comfort and perhaps even heal. Her name is Jenny and I would appreciate if everyone would add her to your prayer list.
I have a few things to add to the chemo side effect list that I forgot to add. One is a runny nose. Doesn't sound too bad does it. Remember what I said about losing all my hair...that included my nose hair. So while your nose drips gather in your nose hair and form boogers mine just drips out but only the left nostril. When I touch my nose (usually with my sleeve) as often as I do I develop a sore in my nose. It's the kind that makes your eyes water like you were peppers sprayed!
Did I mention the chemo brain yet? I forget everything. I eat lunch twice forgetting I already ate. Making tea takes forever. Normal tea routine: boil kettle, dump yesterday's tea bags out, add new ones, pour boiling water in teapot. My tea routine: fill kettle, dump yesterday's tea bags, remember I didn't turn kettle on, turn kettle on, get clean dog dishes to feed the fur babies, get milk, get skillet and put on burner to warm up, get kibble, empty dishwasher, load dirty flat wear with clean flat wear, remember tea, turn kettle on to reboil, turn off skillet because don't remember why it's on the stove ready to melt, wonder why dogs are staring at me while I eat a bowl of mini wheats. They look from me to the clean empty dishes, finish eating, put kibble in dish and sprinkle cheese over it, leave it on counter to reset kettle again, add tea bags to pot and organize tea and coffee cupboard, remember hungry canines, give them dishes of food, pour juice and take medicines, respond to the click of the kettle begging for mercy, pour water in teapot,search for top of teapot, find in dishwasher, add milk to my cup and wait for tea to steep, pup pups outside, turn on tv, have mini rest, remember I made tea and pour myself a cup. Sit down with iPad forgetting about tea until it is cold. Pour another cup.
A similar process follows involving the bed, washing machine, dryer, toilet and spare room. Everything I do takes a loooong time. Shopping, even with a list is horrible. This should begin to clear up I suppose when I'm detoxified. I can't wait to have a memory. As I sat waiting for the show to begin at JP Cormier's B-day bash last night I had no idea why I was there. I had to ask hubby. I thought I might have been waiting for a magic show to begin.
The last thing I will mention is a sore tongue. I don't get sores but my tongue is sensitive so it hurts to eat and drink. Obviously it hasn't slowed me down though.I say Thank God for this side effect. Imagine how much I would weigh if I could eat everything I wanted. I would be wearing a moo moo, typing with pencils, eating hot wings being fed to me via a conveyer belt. Small blessings indeed.
Well, it is time for a nap so I will say adieu to you, and you and you :o)
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. I don't always post my blog entries to Facebook. If you don't want to miss any of the mind blowing, riveting, titillating (lol, had to use that word)entries written by this literary genius I strongly suggest you subscribe to the site. You will get an e-mail when I update. Otherwise, you may not be able to keep up socially at the water cooler. Just saying...
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Yup, I'm a celebrity....LOL
I have to start out by saying that I don't want my friends to be intimidated by my improved social status. Yes, obviously I am better than you now but we can still be friends...secret friends but that just makes it all the more special. Remember, I am still the same girl I was Wednesday just REALLY popular. I still eat my caviar one spoonful at a time, just like the better people in the world ;o)
As most of you already know my little blog has made the front page of the Halifax Herald yesterday. I was as floored as everyone else when my husband woke me up to tell me the news. Well, not floored but very surprised because I didn't expect to see it until next week. I would like to thank Pat Lee from the Herald for taking an interest in my story and for not making me sound like a douche in the article.
I will be interviewed by Jackie Torrens from the CBC Radio at 3 pm tomorrow. The show is called 'Close to Home'. Pretty exciting eh!
Apparently the loud bang I heard from upstairs wasn't a ghost but the gigantic bottle of laundry soap which I left the cover off hitting the floor. Hannah described the spilled quantity as '8 towels worth'. I don't think she meant enough to wash 8 towels but 8 towels worth the soaking up...groan :o( now I'm going to have a big clean spot on the floor.
I want to give sincere thanks to everyone who has phoned, e-mailed, sent messages, commented on my posts or responded on Facebook. As uninteresting as my own story is I am glad to have the opportunity to spread the message that cancer isn't necessarily a death sentence. I really appreciate hearing your stories. I'm honoured that you want to share with me.
Anyway, I have a lot of soap to clean up so I better go. My final chemo is tomorrow...Yay!
Remember, We have nothing to fear but fear itself....and spiders!
Cheers
Jeannie
As most of you already know my little blog has made the front page of the Halifax Herald yesterday. I was as floored as everyone else when my husband woke me up to tell me the news. Well, not floored but very surprised because I didn't expect to see it until next week. I would like to thank Pat Lee from the Herald for taking an interest in my story and for not making me sound like a douche in the article.
I will be interviewed by Jackie Torrens from the CBC Radio at 3 pm tomorrow. The show is called 'Close to Home'. Pretty exciting eh!
Apparently the loud bang I heard from upstairs wasn't a ghost but the gigantic bottle of laundry soap which I left the cover off hitting the floor. Hannah described the spilled quantity as '8 towels worth'. I don't think she meant enough to wash 8 towels but 8 towels worth the soaking up...groan :o( now I'm going to have a big clean spot on the floor.
I want to give sincere thanks to everyone who has phoned, e-mailed, sent messages, commented on my posts or responded on Facebook. As uninteresting as my own story is I am glad to have the opportunity to spread the message that cancer isn't necessarily a death sentence. I really appreciate hearing your stories. I'm honoured that you want to share with me.
Anyway, I have a lot of soap to clean up so I better go. My final chemo is tomorrow...Yay!
Remember, We have nothing to fear but fear itself....and spiders!
Cheers
Jeannie
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Who needs a 'Bucket List' when you can have a 'F@$k It' List
Wow...2011 is over and 2012 is here. I fully expect this to be my year! Instead of making a list of resolutions or a Bucket List that I will break or never complete I have come up with my own way to start the year. I call it my 'Fu@k-it List'. This list will contain desires and commitments followed by the statement, "although this is my desire or wish if I don't get it done then fu@k it". This is my design to remove the guilt that comes with breaking resolutions. Feel free to adopt this modified tradition.
I do have to mention that the last six months, although sprinkled with some discomfort, opened my eyes to the beauty of humanity. I have met so many people who have approached me with their own stories of how breast cancer has affected their lives. Strangers hug me, others tell me I'm beautiful while others call me brave and inspirational. Although I do nothing except to live my life the best I can I no longer argue with people when they compliment me. If they say I'm beautiful then they are seeing me in a different light than I see myself. When they tell me I'm brave and inspirational why bother saying that bravery is a reaction to fear. I have no fear of this disease. I am not brave. Ask anyone who has watched me rip my clothes off because I think a spider is crawling on me. People who get on planes without taking Adivan are brave. If I inspire people it is undeliberate but it makes me feel good that I make others feel good by doing absolutely nothing. Being lazy has never been so rewarding :o)
Here is my advice,the only advice I can offer: when something difficult enters your life you have two choices on how to deal with it. You can be miserable or you can be happy. Regardless of which you choose you still have the hardship to deal with. I faced this challenge head on knowing without a single doubt in my mind that although I would have some pretty shitty (quite literally) days I was going to be fine. Knowing that has made this journey pretty easy for me. So for anyone else out there who is facing a challenge the best I can say is to keep your chin up, keep smiling and know that worrying will only contribute negatively to your situation. Stressing and worrying about your hardship or someone else's is counter productive and damaging. Meditate or pray for good only. Don't feed the negative or it will grow. Positive thinking is the magic elixir of life. Drink it.
So to all the beautiful, brave, inspirational people who have taken the time to offer me prayers and raise my spirit with their words, let me say thank you and Happy New Year. May this year be filled with the blessings of good health, the comfort of family and friends and the riches of a peaceful heart and mind.
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. My final chemo is Friday...wooo hooo!
I do have to mention that the last six months, although sprinkled with some discomfort, opened my eyes to the beauty of humanity. I have met so many people who have approached me with their own stories of how breast cancer has affected their lives. Strangers hug me, others tell me I'm beautiful while others call me brave and inspirational. Although I do nothing except to live my life the best I can I no longer argue with people when they compliment me. If they say I'm beautiful then they are seeing me in a different light than I see myself. When they tell me I'm brave and inspirational why bother saying that bravery is a reaction to fear. I have no fear of this disease. I am not brave. Ask anyone who has watched me rip my clothes off because I think a spider is crawling on me. People who get on planes without taking Adivan are brave. If I inspire people it is undeliberate but it makes me feel good that I make others feel good by doing absolutely nothing. Being lazy has never been so rewarding :o)
Here is my advice,the only advice I can offer: when something difficult enters your life you have two choices on how to deal with it. You can be miserable or you can be happy. Regardless of which you choose you still have the hardship to deal with. I faced this challenge head on knowing without a single doubt in my mind that although I would have some pretty shitty (quite literally) days I was going to be fine. Knowing that has made this journey pretty easy for me. So for anyone else out there who is facing a challenge the best I can say is to keep your chin up, keep smiling and know that worrying will only contribute negatively to your situation. Stressing and worrying about your hardship or someone else's is counter productive and damaging. Meditate or pray for good only. Don't feed the negative or it will grow. Positive thinking is the magic elixir of life. Drink it.
So to all the beautiful, brave, inspirational people who have taken the time to offer me prayers and raise my spirit with their words, let me say thank you and Happy New Year. May this year be filled with the blessings of good health, the comfort of family and friends and the riches of a peaceful heart and mind.
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. My final chemo is Friday...wooo hooo!
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