Tuesday, February 28, 2012
New Page
FYI...I have added another page to this blog to track my lifestyle improvements and weight loss. Wish me luck :D
Saturday, February 25, 2012
The lowest of the lows :o(
I had a rough year. Chris and I both lost our jobs, used up all of our savings to build a new company, my mother is very sick, my grandmother died, I was diagnosed with cancer, agreed to treatments that I didn't want, became bald and obese. All through that I shrugged my shoulders and said to myself that what is meant to be, will be. Yesterday, I found out that my radiation was going to be postponed because the huge seroma in my breast made my scans unusable. The entire breast was fluid. Although seromas can be common after a mastectomy, mine was really bleeping large...remember the 270 cc of fluid removed. I was supposed to go for a rescan Tuesday coming but my breast is filling up again so it is pointless. I am scheduled to go back March 6. If all the fluid doesn't reabsorb then that scan may be unusable as well. However, that isn't going to happen.
Anyway, I had to cancel my vacation. I fantasized about this all year. I convinced myself that if I did everything that needed to be done I would be able to go away. I just had to be a good girl. I was devastated and told the very sweet folks at the cancer centre that I would choose vacation over radiation. Then i had a big crying jag. Shortly after that I received an e-mail from someone who lost her father to cancer. Her e-mail was lovely and at no point did she wail on about her own loss. I felt like such an asshole. There I was sitting there crying because I couldn't go play in the sand.
Now I say, 'what is meant to be, will be'. The crying and anger are gone. I am totally ashamed that I was so sour about canceling the vacation in light of the following facts:
* I am now cancer-free
* All my treatments were free of charge
* All my treatments were performed by the loveliest and most professional people
* So many people die in spite of all the treatment they receive
* Too many people are diagnosed too late to even receive treatment
* I am fat because I had the blessing of plenty of food
* I was blessed to have savings to open the business
* Yes I was bald but my hair is growing back (everywhere!)
I could go on and on but I won't. I promise to remember all those people who have lost their battle with cancer and prioritize my feelings from now on. I will not participate in a pity party hosted by myself and will remember the bounty of blessings I receive on a daily basis. I apologize to anyone who had to listen to me yesterday. Thank you for not punching me in the face.
Cheers
Jeannie
Anyway, I had to cancel my vacation. I fantasized about this all year. I convinced myself that if I did everything that needed to be done I would be able to go away. I just had to be a good girl. I was devastated and told the very sweet folks at the cancer centre that I would choose vacation over radiation. Then i had a big crying jag. Shortly after that I received an e-mail from someone who lost her father to cancer. Her e-mail was lovely and at no point did she wail on about her own loss. I felt like such an asshole. There I was sitting there crying because I couldn't go play in the sand.
Now I say, 'what is meant to be, will be'. The crying and anger are gone. I am totally ashamed that I was so sour about canceling the vacation in light of the following facts:
* I am now cancer-free
* All my treatments were free of charge
* All my treatments were performed by the loveliest and most professional people
* So many people die in spite of all the treatment they receive
* Too many people are diagnosed too late to even receive treatment
* I am fat because I had the blessing of plenty of food
* I was blessed to have savings to open the business
* Yes I was bald but my hair is growing back (everywhere!)
I could go on and on but I won't. I promise to remember all those people who have lost their battle with cancer and prioritize my feelings from now on. I will not participate in a pity party hosted by myself and will remember the bounty of blessings I receive on a daily basis. I apologize to anyone who had to listen to me yesterday. Thank you for not punching me in the face.
Cheers
Jeannie
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Who said cancer is boring
After I changed into the required costume I followed the pretty blonde into the cool, quiet room. She led me to the bed, encouraging me to lie down on my back. Her partner, also young and beautiful approached me from the opposite side of the bed. Covering me in a warm blanket, tag teaming, they worked in unison making sure I was comfortable, raising my knees and pulling my arm over my head. Their hands were cold but my skin was hot. Slowly they pulled my arms from the gown and ornamented my breasts to assure our time together would be recorded. With markers they made indications on my skin, perhaps to tease me or to set reminders for a later time. The more sadistic of the two brought out a needle and ink and left three tiny tattoos behind...one dot representing our time together, one dot for each of us. The whirring noise started and I began sliding in and out of the tunnel as they watched from another room. Totally relaxed I began to drift off. Before I had a chance to fall asleep my new friends came back to the room. They pulled me into a sitting position and I climbed off the table. I removed my gowns and pulled my clothes back on. We sat together discussing how and when our next visits would take place. We discussed the negative effects that could take place but felt encouraged that the positive would far outweigh the negative. We took a photo, once again, to mark the moment. We made a date to meet up again on the 27th of this month and 19 more times following that visit. I'm pretty excited about the whole thing :o)
Cheers
Jeannie
Cheers
Jeannie
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
The Benefits Of Exercising With Cancer by David Haas
Anyone who has cancer can benefit from exercise. This includes anyone who has just been diagnosed, those who have had cancer awhile or those whose cancer is in remission. The key is to start some type of workout regimen right away after getting the okay from your doctor. Those with mesothelioma, which is a lethal form of lung cancer caused by asbestos, can also benefit from exercise. These individuals should start slowly and build their endurance up, as it will take time to build stamina.
One of the major benefits of exercise for cancer is that it increases your energy level. Cancer patients often feel fatigued from the disease. A little exercise per day can help you restore some lost energy, which enables you to accomplish more. Exercises can also help improve your moods if you have cancer. Exercise stimulates endorphins in the body. These are chemicals that trigger certain neurotransmitters in the body, according to Webmd.com. These neurotransmitters act as natural analgesics, assuaging pain and improving your mood. Similarly, regular exercise can also improve your self-confidence. Your self-confidence may improve because you can accomplish more with renewed energy. Additionally, exercise is know to reduce hormone levels in women, which lowers the chance of breast and colorectal cancer, according to the National Cancer Institute. Exercise also decreases the odds that the cancer will return--in both males and females.
There are different types of exercises to perform when recovering from cancer. Flexibility exercises such as stretching can help limber you up and prevent stiffness and pain. Stretch your arms overhead, bend from side to side, or sit on the floor and perform various stretching exercises. Stretch all major muscle groups, including your neck, chest, back, arms, thighs and calves. Start walking or doing cardiovascular exercises, such as walking or jogging on the treadmill. Use the exercise bike. Add resistance training like weightlifting to your regimen. Exercise help promote blood flow, which can increase the healing process from cancer.
The American Cancer Society recommends that the general population exercise 30 to 60 minutes per day, five days per week at a vigorous pace. Cancer patients are encouraged to build up to this type of exercise over time. Join a gym so you can do the various forms of exercise. Ask a trainer to instruct you on some of the various exercises if you are unfamiliar with weightlifting.
Exercise helps you remove deadly toxins from the body, which you have when you suffer from cancer. The movement of blood increases oxygen levels in various body tissues, which carry healing agents like vitamin C and other antioxidants. It is also important to drink lots of water when your exercise and maintain a healthy diet. Eat more lean meats, grains and fresh vegetables and fruits.
David Haas
Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance Guest Blogger
http://about.me/haasblaag
click for mesothelioma info
Click for link about physical activity
One of the major benefits of exercise for cancer is that it increases your energy level. Cancer patients often feel fatigued from the disease. A little exercise per day can help you restore some lost energy, which enables you to accomplish more. Exercises can also help improve your moods if you have cancer. Exercise stimulates endorphins in the body. These are chemicals that trigger certain neurotransmitters in the body, according to Webmd.com. These neurotransmitters act as natural analgesics, assuaging pain and improving your mood. Similarly, regular exercise can also improve your self-confidence. Your self-confidence may improve because you can accomplish more with renewed energy. Additionally, exercise is know to reduce hormone levels in women, which lowers the chance of breast and colorectal cancer, according to the National Cancer Institute. Exercise also decreases the odds that the cancer will return--in both males and females.
There are different types of exercises to perform when recovering from cancer. Flexibility exercises such as stretching can help limber you up and prevent stiffness and pain. Stretch your arms overhead, bend from side to side, or sit on the floor and perform various stretching exercises. Stretch all major muscle groups, including your neck, chest, back, arms, thighs and calves. Start walking or doing cardiovascular exercises, such as walking or jogging on the treadmill. Use the exercise bike. Add resistance training like weightlifting to your regimen. Exercise help promote blood flow, which can increase the healing process from cancer.
The American Cancer Society recommends that the general population exercise 30 to 60 minutes per day, five days per week at a vigorous pace. Cancer patients are encouraged to build up to this type of exercise over time. Join a gym so you can do the various forms of exercise. Ask a trainer to instruct you on some of the various exercises if you are unfamiliar with weightlifting.
Exercise helps you remove deadly toxins from the body, which you have when you suffer from cancer. The movement of blood increases oxygen levels in various body tissues, which carry healing agents like vitamin C and other antioxidants. It is also important to drink lots of water when your exercise and maintain a healthy diet. Eat more lean meats, grains and fresh vegetables and fruits.
David Haas
Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance Guest Blogger
http://about.me/haasblaag
click for mesothelioma info
Click for link about physical activity
Tattoo Day
I am so very, very happy. Do you ever feel like your heart is going to blow up from being too full! Why? Specifically, I can't name it. I can't list all the reasons because there are way too many.
I had a pretty crappy time over the last few weeks. My surgery went fine but I think I broke something inside my boob a few days later and it was burning with the heat of a thousand suns when I bent over. Then Nanny fell and broke her bones and died. Of course my Mom is still very sick and might have to go back to hospital this week. However, yesterday I started to feel very happy again. I am just so filled with gratitude for all the wonderful things in my life. I said it before and I will say it again...I'm a very blessed girl!
Tomorrow, is my workup day with the radiologist. I will receive my tattoos I believe. These will be my first tattoos ever - and my last. I'm kind of excited. I can't wait to see the machine!
To all my friends who have had their mammograms recently, I pray your results are perfect. Teresa, I know you will be fine. Thinking of you!
Cheers
Jeannie
I had a pretty crappy time over the last few weeks. My surgery went fine but I think I broke something inside my boob a few days later and it was burning with the heat of a thousand suns when I bent over. Then Nanny fell and broke her bones and died. Of course my Mom is still very sick and might have to go back to hospital this week. However, yesterday I started to feel very happy again. I am just so filled with gratitude for all the wonderful things in my life. I said it before and I will say it again...I'm a very blessed girl!
Tomorrow, is my workup day with the radiologist. I will receive my tattoos I believe. These will be my first tattoos ever - and my last. I'm kind of excited. I can't wait to see the machine!
To all my friends who have had their mammograms recently, I pray your results are perfect. Teresa, I know you will be fine. Thinking of you!
Cheers
Jeannie
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Tits, hips and hearts
Good afternoon everyone
Today is day 6 post surgery #2. I feel terrific. I cannot remember the last time I blogged so I apologize in advance if I'm being repetitive. Long story short this surgery was similar to my initial surgery. It was another quadrantectomy. Two quarters make a half so i guess i can say i have a halfanectomy. I removed the bandage after two full days because this time the tape was threatening to eat through my skin and into my bones. I had a blistery rash that hurt and itched. Combine that with the minor bruising pain of the tissues underneath I obviously had to remove my steri-strips yesterday. It felt so good to peel those off. I have a lot of sloshing in the breast which I noticed around day two or three. I went to see my favorite surgeon in the world, the amazing Dr. MacMullin to have the fluid drained. Naturally, I didn't want a needle in the breast so I asked if the fluid would reabsorb. It will. It will take a long time but I chose that option. I would love to have watched just to see what was in there but not enough to actually wait for the needle to touch down. So, it sounds like I have a hot water bottle in my top but that's okay by me. I aspirate a lump on my dog Casey's face every month or so. I love it. After the fluid is drained you can't see where the lump was. As I thought of that I imagined my breast deflating. I figured the fluid would keep it plumped up a bit. God knows its smaller than the other but not that uneven in my clothing. It would have looked like a little shelf otherwise; although convenient and a dream to have my own chest-shelf, I didn't think this was the time. I pulled a stitch today. It was sticking out so I gave it a tiny little tug and it came out. It made me smile.
Some of you know that my grandmother broke her hip and wrist Friday, had surgery Sunday and a very bad heart attack Monday. We didn't expect her to last an hour. However, Supernanny is blowing the minds of everyone around her in the 'Hip, hip hooray' ward. Although flatlining yesterday and left to allow nature to take its course, in a kind way of course not a negligent way, today she ate breakfast and lunch and was sitting on the side of the bed. She's not out of the woods yet but she's not going to go down without a fight. Way to go Nanny!
I would once again like to thank all the people who approach me and say the loveliest things. I really appreciate it.
I should have the results back from my surgery in less than five more days. I know they will be okay but want the proof on paper :o)
Sending out positive healing vibes to my new friend Theresa. Good luck Sister!
Cheers
Jeannie
Today is day 6 post surgery #2. I feel terrific. I cannot remember the last time I blogged so I apologize in advance if I'm being repetitive. Long story short this surgery was similar to my initial surgery. It was another quadrantectomy. Two quarters make a half so i guess i can say i have a halfanectomy. I removed the bandage after two full days because this time the tape was threatening to eat through my skin and into my bones. I had a blistery rash that hurt and itched. Combine that with the minor bruising pain of the tissues underneath I obviously had to remove my steri-strips yesterday. It felt so good to peel those off. I have a lot of sloshing in the breast which I noticed around day two or three. I went to see my favorite surgeon in the world, the amazing Dr. MacMullin to have the fluid drained. Naturally, I didn't want a needle in the breast so I asked if the fluid would reabsorb. It will. It will take a long time but I chose that option. I would love to have watched just to see what was in there but not enough to actually wait for the needle to touch down. So, it sounds like I have a hot water bottle in my top but that's okay by me. I aspirate a lump on my dog Casey's face every month or so. I love it. After the fluid is drained you can't see where the lump was. As I thought of that I imagined my breast deflating. I figured the fluid would keep it plumped up a bit. God knows its smaller than the other but not that uneven in my clothing. It would have looked like a little shelf otherwise; although convenient and a dream to have my own chest-shelf, I didn't think this was the time. I pulled a stitch today. It was sticking out so I gave it a tiny little tug and it came out. It made me smile.
Some of you know that my grandmother broke her hip and wrist Friday, had surgery Sunday and a very bad heart attack Monday. We didn't expect her to last an hour. However, Supernanny is blowing the minds of everyone around her in the 'Hip, hip hooray' ward. Although flatlining yesterday and left to allow nature to take its course, in a kind way of course not a negligent way, today she ate breakfast and lunch and was sitting on the side of the bed. She's not out of the woods yet but she's not going to go down without a fight. Way to go Nanny!
I would once again like to thank all the people who approach me and say the loveliest things. I really appreciate it.
I should have the results back from my surgery in less than five more days. I know they will be okay but want the proof on paper :o)
Sending out positive healing vibes to my new friend Theresa. Good luck Sister!
Cheers
Jeannie
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Patiently Waiting! **Updated**
So I had my surgery yesterday. It went very well. I didn't want to wake up in recovery so I was at the hospital a bit longer than I expected. Actually, I knew I wouldn't wake as quick as they would like so it was no surprise to me. I managed to walk to the truck with Chris and felt pretty stable. When we pulled up to the house and I got out of the truck I nearly fainted. Chris ran to my side and kept me vertical-my hero. So he tucked me in bed and I slept on and off the rest of the day and night. Other than very blurry vision I felt very good and still do.
So curiosity got the better of me and I pulled off my shirt to have a gander at my chest this morning. The bandage is massive but I know that buried underneath it all is a horizontal scar that is glued shut. No biggie. However, here is the best part. My breast is small!!!!!! I know it's all taped up and stuff but he said he was removing an additional 3 cm all around and in my mind that didn't seem to amount to much. I had to take a picture to show you the difference. I am so excited I want to run up and down Charlotte Street and show everyone. I cannot wait until tomorrow to take off the bandage and let it fall naturally into place. So let me introduce you to my new slimmed down breast. I let the left one out of the turkey trap so you could see the difference. It's pretty impressive!
By the way that is not my nipple in the top right corner of the photo. It's my finger. My nip is farther north :o)
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. I have to mention that my boob is full of fluid and when I move it can be heard sloshing around. I think it's pretty cool but I don't think Chris was as impressed. He actually accused me of scarring him for life. Go figure!
So curiosity got the better of me and I pulled off my shirt to have a gander at my chest this morning. The bandage is massive but I know that buried underneath it all is a horizontal scar that is glued shut. No biggie. However, here is the best part. My breast is small!!!!!! I know it's all taped up and stuff but he said he was removing an additional 3 cm all around and in my mind that didn't seem to amount to much. I had to take a picture to show you the difference. I am so excited I want to run up and down Charlotte Street and show everyone. I cannot wait until tomorrow to take off the bandage and let it fall naturally into place. So let me introduce you to my new slimmed down breast. I let the left one out of the turkey trap so you could see the difference. It's pretty impressive!
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. I have to mention that my boob is full of fluid and when I move it can be heard sloshing around. I think it's pretty cool but I don't think Chris was as impressed. He actually accused me of scarring him for life. Go figure!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Re-excision Day: February 1, 2012
Good morning everyone! So today is the day. I have to say I'm pretty darn excited it is here. The sooner it starts, the sooner it will be over and we can move on to radiation. This is out of character for me but I just woke and have to tell you about my dream.
DREAM: I was on a wagon journey with a Tribe of Indigenous people. My traveling partner was Shirley McLaine which was AWESOME. When the wagon stopped for the night a hut was assembled and it was entirely made of white shells. It was dome shaped. The small glowing fire inside lit up the shells and made them luminous. When I remarked on the beauty of the structure they explained that during prayer times when they called upon the spirits of their ancestors or other advising spirits, the dome shape allowed the spirits to travel the room and not get trapped in corners. They could slip out the door flap....the next bit I remember is getting up before dawn to continue our travel. Before we could leave we had to take a preventative elixir to ensure our good health. One tasted like balsam and the other tasted like berries. I expected them to be horrible but they weren't. My memory is fading already but I also remember it was a group of all women with the exception of one young man. He was uncomfortable being the only male traveler because he had to be alone more frequently. He had to sleep alone while the women slept communally. The leaders of the group, although mostly male, didn't play into this part of my dream. The young man was quite put-out and was trying to walk away from the group when I woke up. The only other bit I remember is looking at hand drawn maps of the area and fantasizing about being by the water. That was where we were headed. I will mention that I dream of water all the time....big water, not a glass of water or the bathtub. So, why did I tell you this? First, I am so damn hungry and thirsty I need to distract myself from eating and drinking. Second, I have surgery today and I can see a lot of parallels between my dream and not just the surgery but breast cancer itself. Maybe you can see them too.
So, I need to go to hospital for seven, surgery is at eight, recovery for one hour then back to day surgery for an hour. If all goes well I should be out of there by one in the afternoon. I have no procedures prior to surgery this time...no rides of shame wearing a styrofoam cup over my 'dome shaped, white, luminous-with-the-light-shining-on-it' breast. Wink, wink. Are you catching on. Mine even comes with the door flap! Isn't the mind totally extraordinary!
Well, I need to find something else to do to kill another 90 minutes. I could/should shave my legs which are VERY hairy but I want to save that. It's soft and as soon as I shave it I know it's going to turn back into paint-bristle stubble. A giant shout-out to the lucky nurse who is going to put the surgical stockings on me, 'Yes, I do know I need to shave and I'm sorry you had to see them'.
The last thing I need to say is thank you. Thank you to the CBC Radio, the CTV, the Chronicle Herald, the Cape Breton Post, family and friends old and new. Thank you for helping to spread the message of hope that we can keep this disease from killing women by encouraging early diagnosis. Book your mammogram today. Keep the appointment. For all the women who wrote telling me they booked, I pray with all my heart you have clear results. Congrats to those who told me they received their negative results. For those who may receive less than good results, stay strong and don't let this break you down. If you have to take this journey, do it with your head held high. Pass the worry on to the universal energy so you can focus on taking one step at a time. Negativity breeds negativity. Don't let it invade you because the results of that are far worse than any cancer. Imagine every cancer cell in your body with a sly smirk on its face, rubbing it's hands together every time you think negatively. It's food and energy for them to grow. Don't feed the little bastards. Finally, stay away from negative people. People who need to vent/complain on a constant basis are poison. Put your hand in their face and tell them to stop poisoning your soul. Tell them to write that shit in a journal and then burn it.
I'm here for you if you need me. In case I die during surgery, which I won't, but if I do remember to BOOK YOUR MAMMOGRAMS...or prostate exam, or PAP test.
Cheers
Jeannie
DREAM: I was on a wagon journey with a Tribe of Indigenous people. My traveling partner was Shirley McLaine which was AWESOME. When the wagon stopped for the night a hut was assembled and it was entirely made of white shells. It was dome shaped. The small glowing fire inside lit up the shells and made them luminous. When I remarked on the beauty of the structure they explained that during prayer times when they called upon the spirits of their ancestors or other advising spirits, the dome shape allowed the spirits to travel the room and not get trapped in corners. They could slip out the door flap....the next bit I remember is getting up before dawn to continue our travel. Before we could leave we had to take a preventative elixir to ensure our good health. One tasted like balsam and the other tasted like berries. I expected them to be horrible but they weren't. My memory is fading already but I also remember it was a group of all women with the exception of one young man. He was uncomfortable being the only male traveler because he had to be alone more frequently. He had to sleep alone while the women slept communally. The leaders of the group, although mostly male, didn't play into this part of my dream. The young man was quite put-out and was trying to walk away from the group when I woke up. The only other bit I remember is looking at hand drawn maps of the area and fantasizing about being by the water. That was where we were headed. I will mention that I dream of water all the time....big water, not a glass of water or the bathtub. So, why did I tell you this? First, I am so damn hungry and thirsty I need to distract myself from eating and drinking. Second, I have surgery today and I can see a lot of parallels between my dream and not just the surgery but breast cancer itself. Maybe you can see them too.
So, I need to go to hospital for seven, surgery is at eight, recovery for one hour then back to day surgery for an hour. If all goes well I should be out of there by one in the afternoon. I have no procedures prior to surgery this time...no rides of shame wearing a styrofoam cup over my 'dome shaped, white, luminous-with-the-light-shining-on-it' breast. Wink, wink. Are you catching on. Mine even comes with the door flap! Isn't the mind totally extraordinary!
Well, I need to find something else to do to kill another 90 minutes. I could/should shave my legs which are VERY hairy but I want to save that. It's soft and as soon as I shave it I know it's going to turn back into paint-bristle stubble. A giant shout-out to the lucky nurse who is going to put the surgical stockings on me, 'Yes, I do know I need to shave and I'm sorry you had to see them'.
The last thing I need to say is thank you. Thank you to the CBC Radio, the CTV, the Chronicle Herald, the Cape Breton Post, family and friends old and new. Thank you for helping to spread the message of hope that we can keep this disease from killing women by encouraging early diagnosis. Book your mammogram today. Keep the appointment. For all the women who wrote telling me they booked, I pray with all my heart you have clear results. Congrats to those who told me they received their negative results. For those who may receive less than good results, stay strong and don't let this break you down. If you have to take this journey, do it with your head held high. Pass the worry on to the universal energy so you can focus on taking one step at a time. Negativity breeds negativity. Don't let it invade you because the results of that are far worse than any cancer. Imagine every cancer cell in your body with a sly smirk on its face, rubbing it's hands together every time you think negatively. It's food and energy for them to grow. Don't feed the little bastards. Finally, stay away from negative people. People who need to vent/complain on a constant basis are poison. Put your hand in their face and tell them to stop poisoning your soul. Tell them to write that shit in a journal and then burn it.
I'm here for you if you need me. In case I die during surgery, which I won't, but if I do remember to BOOK YOUR MAMMOGRAMS...or prostate exam, or PAP test.
Cheers
Jeannie
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