How to take a chemo dump - not for the faint of heart

One of the beautiful things about cancer is that it is never boring.  What else could take a normal daily function such as moving your bowels and allow me to lay in bed and type out a manual on how to do it after chemotherapy.  I know, disgusting eh!?  All I can say is this:  when you are massaging your colon (via your abdomen not internally - gross!) and it feels like you are massaging a python you know you need to go.  As someone who never, and I mean never, experienced constipation I had to fix this dirty little situation fast.  You will know you need to go when you start waddling around like you have a stick jammed up your ass and you can't tie your own shoes because you can't bend that you need to take care of the situation.  I started by ensuring I couldn't possibly get any more food in my body.  Okay, well, that was a fluke but you don't want to do this on a quarter of a tank.  The day before I committed to the 'cleanse' I bought a kilo of prunes.  I love prunes so this was not a problem for me.  Then I ate ten of them right away.  I continued to eat throughout the day every now and then popping a prune in my mouth.  In between eating I drank lots and lots of water.  By bedtime I was adequately stuffed and took two Senekot tablets followed by more water.  I was starting to get excited but managed to go to sleep.  When I woke up the next morning with the excitement of a child about to pounce on a Christmas tree full of gifts I realized I was showing no sign of relief.  Actually, physically, I felt like I was a big bloated mess with a bit of an upset tummy.  I went downstairs and ate breakfast.  I had two crumpets with cheese, 4 oz of prune juice and 4 oz of orange juice.  I came back to bed since it was very early and went back to sleep.  When I woke up I ate a bowl of chopped fruit and more water.  At this point I am going to call my mother and beg her to say Novenas.  I'm worried my colon will rupture. I quickly do mathematics and panic. Input vs. output (deposit vs. withdrawl, credit vs. debit) is severely out of balance.  It ain't good. I actually thought I would shit myself from fear.  No such luck though. However,  within the hour I was in the bathroom with Big John's Toilet Reader (600+ pages).  F&*k Christmas, babies, puppies, beaches and everything else beautiful in the world.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, came close to the way I felt that day.  If leaving that toilet meant I could have the riches of the world handed to me on a silver platter I would have laughed and shut the door in their faces.  I swear to God, I am quite sure I passed food I hadn't eaten since Brownie Camp in 1977.  My mother was right that bubblegum does not digest but hangs around your intestines for years only to come out in a colon cleanse. There were moments when I started to consider the capacity of the toilet, the plumbing in the house, the city.  But all I could do is sit there and read. The most beautiful part was that there was no cramping. I'll admit I was pretty limited to what I could do all morning but by early afternoon I was able to stand up straight and eat again.  Cancer is shitty enough but it really is the little things like this that make it more miserable than it already is.  My best advise is to avoid cancer.  Have a mammogram or prostate exam.  They're fun - well more more fun than being constipated :o)

Cheers
Jeannie