Did I mention that I totally hate chemo? Talk about shitty timing but I had 'it' Friday and then stood in a wedding on Saturday. WAIT...it gets better. I started my period on Friday too. Ya, I know, how blessed am I.
As it turns out I felt pretty good on Friday and Saturday. It was awesome to stand with a best friend, even though I was fat and bald, and she was looking gorgeous, and not feel ill. I survived until 9ish and then the chills and fatigue kicked in. I went to bed and although it is now Tuesday I am still here.
Many people want to know what the symptoms of post chemo are like. Even as I lay here and experience them it is very difficult to describe them - even to myself. I'm going to try though.
1. Tired...as in took too much Gravol and although it was two days ago it is still in your system. You think you are okay but soon as you attempt to do something you realize you aren't.
2. Nausea...not enough to make you puke. Maybe you're just hungry so you eat but you still feel the same. So you repeat the pattern because you don't know what else to do to try and feel better.
3. Strange sensations...I get a feeling like a gas is traveling up from my stomach and wrapping around my lungs. I feel a bit wheezy and winded. I also feel a tightness in my chest. This is my worst symptom and the one that keeps me grounded. Although it is mild, when added to the other mild symptoms the combination is too much.
4. Digestion...I won't get into the fact that pooping is something that gets fantasized about the following week but will mention what happens with the food I eat. I personally eat a lot after (before, during) chemo. However, although I do my part, the food doesn't. It just sits in my stomach for a long time. Eventually after a period of rotting a sound not unlike a garbarator is heard and the food is carried to the intestines where it remains for a long time. The cycle repeats itself over and over unless you take the demonized shit pills. At present, even if I had the energy to go out I wouldn't because the ruckus from my gut would turn heads!
5. Psychological factors. Now I know most of this is in my head but I think I smell after chemo. I can't get clean enough and I think I smell like poison and piss. Combine that with my appearance I get a bit down. I feel like Jabba the Hut and there is nothing that can take that image away except time. Combine all that with guilt and panic about laying around not getting stuff done and it is quite the shit-kicking.
So, only one treatment left and I never need to do this again. BTW, my HER2 test came back negative. Thank God for that. This was the Christmas present I was waiting for since September!
Well, that's my bit for today. I'm obviously bored of this frigging disease and just want all this to go away. I want to get out of bed and go for a hike with the dogs but can't. Anyway, tomorrow will be a better day I'm sure.
Happy Christmas everyone
Jeannie
6 comments:
stay strong Miss Jeannie.... rooting for you from here. xoxo
Jeannie that HER2 result is the best Christmas news! So happy that you will only have to have one more chemo (bet you are too!). It's almost over and, Baby, you came a long way!!!
hugs and Hershey's!!
i just read your story and i'm astounded by your amazing positive attitude when most people would just give up. i wish you well in your recovery and i pray that the cancer has finally taken a hike.
I read your article in the newspaper today. I had to check out your blog (first blog I ever read). I felt I was reading my story. I, too was diagnosed with Breast Cancer this year. I had a Rt breast lumpectomy and just finished my chemo on Dec 9. Chemo was a rough road, worse than I expected. I am now going through radiation. I love your sense of humor, mine was lost for the last 4 months, but I think it's slowly returning. Thanks for sharing and keep it up.
Read your blog and glad there is someone else out there in this crazy cancer world who has the same attitude I do..lol. I figure it is better to laugh about it than cry...I am not far behind you as I am on round 4 of 6 and then radiation. My story is a little different but it is always nice to know of support from others. Best of luck and I'll keep reading.
I read about you today and at first I was a bit disturbed about your statement "Calm Down, it's a little cancer". I was thinking about all the other people fighting cancer and that they may be offended. However, after reading your blog I see the full picture and that yes you are scared, and do hope that everything goes well for you and as you said having a positive and upbeat attitude certainly helps. Thank you for blotting with frank honest statements and pictures. I wish you the best of luck. You are a true inspiration to all cancer patients going through this with you.
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