Wow...2011 is over and 2012 is here. I fully expect this to be my year! Instead of making a list of resolutions or a Bucket List that I will break or never complete I have come up with my own way to start the year. I call it my 'Fu@k-it List'. This list will contain desires and commitments followed by the statement, "although this is my desire or wish if I don't get it done then fu@k it". This is my design to remove the guilt that comes with breaking resolutions. Feel free to adopt this modified tradition.
I do have to mention that the last six months, although sprinkled with some discomfort, opened my eyes to the beauty of humanity. I have met so many people who have approached me with their own stories of how breast cancer has affected their lives. Strangers hug me, others tell me I'm beautiful while others call me brave and inspirational. Although I do nothing except to live my life the best I can I no longer argue with people when they compliment me. If they say I'm beautiful then they are seeing me in a different light than I see myself. When they tell me I'm brave and inspirational why bother saying that bravery is a reaction to fear. I have no fear of this disease. I am not brave. Ask anyone who has watched me rip my clothes off because I think a spider is crawling on me. People who get on planes without taking Adivan are brave. If I inspire people it is undeliberate but it makes me feel good that I make others feel good by doing absolutely nothing. Being lazy has never been so rewarding :o)
Here is my advice,the only advice I can offer: when something difficult enters your life you have two choices on how to deal with it. You can be miserable or you can be happy. Regardless of which you choose you still have the hardship to deal with. I faced this challenge head on knowing without a single doubt in my mind that although I would have some pretty shitty (quite literally) days I was going to be fine. Knowing that has made this journey pretty easy for me. So for anyone else out there who is facing a challenge the best I can say is to keep your chin up, keep smiling and know that worrying will only contribute negatively to your situation. Stressing and worrying about your hardship or someone else's is counter productive and damaging. Meditate or pray for good only. Don't feed the negative or it will grow. Positive thinking is the magic elixir of life. Drink it.
So to all the beautiful, brave, inspirational people who have taken the time to offer me prayers and raise my spirit with their words, let me say thank you and Happy New Year. May this year be filled with the blessings of good health, the comfort of family and friends and the riches of a peaceful heart and mind.
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. My final chemo is Friday...wooo hooo!
10 comments:
I've just been reading your blog, and it brought back a lot of memories, some bad and some good. My wife spent two years battling this #^%$@ disease after a breast cancer diagnosis in 2009, three weeks after her 40th birthday party. Turns out she carried a BRCA genetic mutation that made her especially susceptible to breast and ovarian cancer. Chemo, double mastectomy, radiation, oophorectomy, reconstruction...the whole nine yards. But she had an attitude much like yours, and it served her well. There were silver linings: they caught it early, and took steps to make sure it doesn't come back; she found out how many people care about her (and, sadly, how some 'friends' can let you down when you need them most); and we grew closer through the ordeal. Even in the midst of a cancer battle there is happiness and laughter to be found. Stay strong and kick some ass.
Hi Jeannie,
I'd really like to send you a personal email... is there an email address I can use? I searched the site but couldn't find one.
My email addy is d.lushman@bellaliant.net
Thanks!!
Denise
Hi Jeannie,
Thank you for sharing your positiveness and your story.
There is something I heard about from a friend in Montreal called a cold cap. It is worn during chemo treatments (looks like a swimming suit cap) and prevents your hair from falling out. Please spread the word around to everyone you know!
Stay positive!!Stay strong!
KL
http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/TopStories/20101029/cold-cap-chemotherapy-101031/
http://www.cancernet.co.uk/coldcap.htm
http://www.msc-worldwide.com/
Jeannie, I just read your blog and saw your feature in the paper. Your attitude and resilience have inspired me to have a more positive outlook and to count my blessings. I am so proud of you, you are beautiful. Stay strong....xo
Hi Jeannie:
Saw your pic in the paper this morning, I actually recognized you (almost) right away. I'm pulling for you,stay positive. Say hi to Chris.
Andy
Hi Jeannie. Saw your article today. I can totally relate. I had breast cancer in 2006. I had a mastectomy, 6 rounds of chemo, 16 rounds of radiation in Halifax. I have had great check ups since then. I do remember losing my hair and it felt the same way as you described. As I started radiation, my hair began to grown in. Happy days! I remember having my last treatment. I was so happy to hit that point! All the best to you. You will be fine!
Liz B.
Jeannie - I saw the article in the CH yesterday and have spent about an hour reading through every single one of your posts. I have laughed with you, felt pain, winced when you took of your sterri strips and feel like I have been right there with you the whole way, and yet, we have never met. I am looking forward to reading your blog from now on, and am creating my own &*#^% It list. Great idea. :)
Well Hello there…
I was told about your article today when I stopped into my husbands office… ( as I am sure I don’t have to inform you.. Your loved ones inform you of anything Breast Cancer related.. It’s almost like.. a little “club” The Boobs Gone Bad” clique… at first.. I thought.. great.. Another article.. I thought October was over with.. Breast Cancer is not the IT disease this month… but I DID go on and read it.. and am I ever glad..
There are parts of your blog.. that could have been written by me.. and some of the dates even line up! I was diagnosed July 26, 2011… When My Doctor gave me the results.. I had to correct her.. she CLEARLY got my results mixed up with someone else.. I don’t have any family history of Breast Skittles.. oh yes.. I have renamed “my” cancer.. Skittles.. I am sure I am supposed to have some trademarkey thing by it.. but what ever… I kept my life happenings quiet for a very long time.. when it became evident that I was not going to be able to it much longer.. I had to inform everyone I loved.. about Skittles.. Cancer is a dark word that took people to a dark scary space.. I prefer Skittles… It’s a rainbow of fruit flavour.. who can be scared of that?? I have ruined the sweet treat for many a loved one;)
To make a VERY loooooong story short.. In four months.. I hate 6 surgeries.. and ended up losing my right breast.. I guess I didn’t LOSE it.. I am sure SOMEONE knows where it is.. I hope it’s just lying around somewhere… Gawd.. I never THOUGHT of the whereabouts before!!! ANYWHO.. I waited for results.. (Waiting seems to be a common theme) and was happy to find out that After the Mastectomy wouldn’t require radiation or chemo… I realize how fortunate I am!
I am 36, I have a two incredible children.. My son, who is 5 and my daughter who just turned three…. My husband has been my support system.. My rock.. My everything.. (Ever hear Martina McBride.. Love ya through it?? Get through THAT without a tear!!) My life is perfect.. I love my family..I love my job (I teach grade 5 to an amazing group of kids) I have amazing friends….It is WAY too perfect to allow a tiny word like “cancer” mess it up. I decided from the get go.. that this “thing” this blib in the road was not going to control how I lived… Don’t get me wrong..after a couple negative test results… I was slapped in the face with a big… “I AM SERIOUS” from the cancer gods… but I chose to take a light hearted approach with it all.. I had a loved one tell me I was in denial.. (cause you can deny stuff like Skittles??) I had one person tell me that I was dealing with a serious situation..and had to respond as such.. I am just NOT that person… I had my “things”… I hid from pink for the four moths of uncertainty… Hated any shade of it… October and all of the radio adds…. Funds raisers… all of it.. I wanted it to be removed from my sight.. I was happy to take on this head on.. and with a smile on my face… but to have it CONSTANTLY shoved down my throat was a bit much..
It was so nice to open your blog.. and not see everything grey and glum.. Negative on top of negative situations.. It was an amazing feeling to see someone ELSE was in “denial” and that she too… wasn’t taking it “serious.” I appreciate you! I read your words.. and will continue to as long as you write them.. and enjoy the happy notes.. think of you on the hard ones… but know that you are living day to day, the best way you can.. that day!! There are many others out there.. and I hope you never feel alone.. nothing like a stranger extending a hand…
Stefanie
Jeannie, you make everyone in our family so very proud. Congratulations being able to voice what so many others have struggled with, and in a way that makes us all understand. I am proud that you are a part of my life. Sincerely, Jennifer
Folks, wow. I know it has been a while since you wrote these words but I wanted to thank you and respond to say how much they mean to me. Reading your own stories of survival, either as the patient or the support, reinforce the notion that we are not alone. Unfortunately, we are not alone. Breast cancer affect so many lives that it completely baffles me. Every single person I speak to knows someone close to them who has or had it. We may not be able to prevent the disease, YET, but we can bloody well do what we can to catch it early. NOBODY is safe from this, regardless of family history, gender (yes fellas you can get it too), race or age, so take advantage of the tools available.
Take care of yourselves and each other...
Cheers
Jeannie
PS. Stefanie, take you for your great story...Skittles, my favorite candy...well, it used to be - lol. j/k
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