Well it's Wednesday, five days post chemo and the exhaustion is as bad as it has ever been. Yesterday was rough but today is even worse. I have a funny sensation in my chest and I'm nauseated. I managed to 'go' to the toilet last night. I was just about to call in the Jaws of Life but managed all on my own. There were times I wished I was dead.
Monday morning I went to Yoga and did great. I really enjoy the serenity of Nicole's class. It felt great to behave like a non-cancer person for a change. Dont get me wrong, I go out all the time and keep up. However, it is always in the back of my mind that I need to be careful of germs or wonder when I'm going to crash. It was nice to just 'be'. I look forward to our next class.
The extreme fatigue kicked in that afternoon and hasn't let up since. At times I thought I was dying. I didn't believe that a person could be so tired. It's difficult to describe but if my bed was on fire I am not sure I would have been able to escape. I would lay there with my bladder pushing way past full and wonder how long it would take for my body to reabsorb its contents. I felt totally hard done by when I had to go to the toilet. How can life be so unfair by making me walk 20' to the bathroom. I have no idea when I last washed or brushed my teeth. Nor do I care. I am pretty sure it won't be happening today either.
So here I sit downstairs with the pups. Hannah works until 9 tonight and I don't know when Chris will be home. He abandoned me several day ago to work. I've been living off dried up fruit and left over kibble that rolled under the cupboards. I would call for take-away food for dinner but would have to open the door for the delivery guy and that's not happening either. I guess i will stick with kibble. Being deserted when you are sick is terrible. Poor me :o(
I think my surgery is February 1st. I am not 100% sure if I really took that call or dreamed it....wait, I will check the call log. Okay, so I have surgery February 1st. That's great because I can have my radiation over by the end of March. I try not to think too far ahead so I will shut up about that just in case I jinx myself.
Well I have to go. I have kibble to scrape together for my next meal. Take care of yourselves and each other. Don't worry about me. Kibble is a well balanced meal ;o)
Cheers
Jeannie
2 comments:
Hi Jeannie,
I'm a total stranger, and you may be feeling too kicked in the ass to care about what I have to say, but a friend sent me a link to your article in the Herald a couple of weeks ago and I finally got around to reading it tonight. Then I read your whole blog.
I went round seven of eight rounds with that bastard chemo today, and as I wait for the symptoms to kick in some of your stories gave me a good chuckle, so I wanted to say thanks. I can relate to your symptoms, the head games cancer plays & the ups and the downs. Sounds like you've got what I consider the right attitude - positive but honest about what sucks.
Good luck with the rest of your treatment!
Maggie
Hi Maggie
Thanks for reading the Blog. Last week I felt so bad I couldn't have cared but now I am feeling a lot, not perfect, better. As much as I hated chemo I wish I could take a treatment for you. I don't think I would have been able to endure that many. In the beginning, while I was waiting for the results of my Her2 test to come back, I was terrified about the prospect of my treatment doubling to eight. Anyway, as for now they are over. And although you are probably feeling like shit right now know that I am thinking of you and wish you total success with your treatments. If there is anything I can do for you I would be happy to do so. Take care the best way YOU see fit to get through this 'BLEEPING' phase in your life. Make no apologies for your weakness or lack of desire in stuff. Use the line I do and tell them to "Frig off, I have cancer"....it works like a charm. The silver lining on our storm cloud called cancer :o)
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