Re-excision Day: February 1, 2012

Good morning everyone! So today is the day. I have to say I'm pretty darn excited it is here. The sooner it starts, the sooner it will be over and we can move on to radiation. This is out of character for me but I just woke and have to tell you about my dream.

DREAM: I was on a wagon journey with a Tribe of Indigenous people. My traveling partner was Shirley McLaine which was AWESOME. When the wagon stopped for the night a hut was assembled and it was entirely made of white shells. It was dome shaped. The small glowing fire inside lit up the shells and made them luminous. When I remarked on the beauty of the structure they explained that during prayer times when they called upon the spirits of their ancestors or other advising spirits, the dome shape allowed the spirits to travel the room and not get trapped in corners. They could slip out the door flap....the next bit I remember is getting up before dawn to continue our travel. Before we could leave we had to take a preventative elixir to ensure our good health. One tasted like balsam and the other tasted like berries. I expected them to be horrible but they weren't. My memory is fading already but I also remember it was a group of all women with the exception of one young man. He was uncomfortable being the only male traveler because he had to be alone more frequently. He had to sleep alone while the women slept communally. The leaders of the group, although mostly male, didn't play into this part of my dream. The young man was quite put-out and was trying to walk away from the group when I woke up. The only other bit I remember is looking at hand drawn maps of the area and fantasizing about being by the water. That was where we were headed. I will mention that I dream of water all the time....big water, not a glass of water or the bathtub. So, why did I tell you this? First, I am so damn hungry and thirsty I need to distract myself from eating and drinking. Second, I have surgery today and I can see a lot of parallels between my dream and not just the surgery but breast cancer itself. Maybe you can see them too.

So, I need to go to hospital for seven, surgery is at eight, recovery for one hour then back to day surgery for an hour. If all goes well I should be out of there by one in the afternoon. I have no procedures prior to surgery this time...no rides of shame wearing a styrofoam cup over my 'dome shaped, white, luminous-with-the-light-shining-on-it' breast. Wink, wink. Are you catching on. Mine even comes with the door flap! Isn't the mind totally extraordinary!

Well, I need to find something else to do to kill another 90 minutes. I could/should shave my legs which are VERY hairy but I want to save that. It's soft and as soon as I shave it I know it's going to turn back into paint-bristle stubble. A giant shout-out to the lucky nurse who is going to put the surgical stockings on me, 'Yes, I do know I need to shave and I'm sorry you had to see them'.

The last thing I need to say is thank you. Thank you to the CBC Radio, the CTV, the Chronicle Herald, the Cape Breton Post, family and friends old and new. Thank you for helping to spread the message of hope that we can keep this disease from killing women by encouraging early diagnosis. Book your mammogram today. Keep the appointment. For all the women who wrote telling me they booked, I pray with all my heart you have clear results. Congrats to those who told me they received their negative results. For those who may receive less than good results, stay strong and don't let this break you down. If you have to take this journey, do it with your head held high. Pass the worry on to the universal energy so you can focus on taking one step at a time. Negativity breeds negativity. Don't let it invade you because the results of that are far worse than any cancer. Imagine every cancer cell in your body with a sly smirk on its face, rubbing it's hands together every time you think negatively. It's food and energy for them to grow. Don't feed the little bastards. Finally, stay away from negative people. People who need to vent/complain on a constant basis are poison. Put your hand in their face and tell them to stop poisoning your soul. Tell them to write that shit in a journal and then burn it.

I'm here for you if you need me. In case I die during surgery, which I won't, but if I do remember to BOOK YOUR MAMMOGRAMS...or prostate exam, or PAP test.

Cheers
Jeannie